If you have ever talked to me, you know I apologize or even over-apologize for everything. Most of the time, I apologize for things that don't need an apology. I apologize when I come late to something due to traffic, when I hear bad news, accidentally bumping into something or someone, or when I feel like I take up space. Sometimes I even over-apologize when I think I made the other person mad or upset, when in reality they didn't really mind or think that in depth about what I said. Saying sorry became a habit and like a filler word for me. I truly do have good intentions when I say it but some people can think that i'm being insincere because I say it all the time. But you know what? I'm not sorry anymore.
"I'm sorry that I worry or care, I can't help it." I'm not sorry for caring too much. I am not sorry for asking you to give me an honest answer about how you are, for telling you to be careful or for you to text me if you get home okay. I honestly care too much about people, I can't help it. I can't help it but I'm not sorry for it.
"I'm sorry that I can't go or do that for you." I'm not sorry for saying no. Most of the time, I can't say no because I think that the other person will get upset or mad at me and then I begin to feel guilty. I learned that I need to stop saying yes to people just to make them happy. If I am busy or I know my mental health will be at risk, then it is okay for me to say no. That doesn't mean that I wont try to make plans with you another day or try to make it up to you. Its just with that specific thing I physically or mentally can't be there.
"Oh I'm sorry I'm having a bad mental health day. My depression/ anxiety is really bad today and I can't go out." I'm not sorry for my mental disorders. They might inconvenience you at times but they are a part of who I am. Yes it is annoying and bothersome at times, but I can't control it and I shouldn't be sorry for it. If you think my depression or anxiety is annoying or fake, then theres nothing I can do. I can't prove it to you nor will I try to. Just please understand that I'm not trying to be difficult, it's just something that I have to deal with.
"I'm sorry for venting to you about my problems and how I feel." I'm not sorry for ranting about how I feel but I will be extremely thankful if you listen. It's not bad to have emotions. My feelings are valid and I shouldn't apologize for them.
"I'm sorry, I take up space." Although I'm pretty small at 5'5, I always feel like I constantly take up valuable space. If i think my existence bothers someone, I apologize. I learned that my existence is not something I should apologize for. Everyone should take up all the space they need and shouldn't feel bad about it. Unless you're sprawling out on the subway or bus stop when there aren't enough seats, then maybe you should apologize.
This doesn't mean that I won't say sorry when I am wronged, when I have hurt someone or when an apology is necessary but I'm done saying sorry for things that I can't control. Sorry I'm not sorry.
