I write to bring forth topics of passion. I write to provoke my audience to think about how they can change their story for the better. I write today with a fiery gut and a mind full of thoughts struggling to straighten themselves out.
Today I bring up a tender subject that all people struggle with at some point in their life. Sometimes, it becomes a lifelong struggle. The concept of body image is never easy, no matter who you are. My whole life I have struggled with the way I look. Growing up a twin, I was always compared to my sister in the realms of ability and appearance. It plagued me for the majority of my formative years that I was just not as naturally slim and athletic as she was. Her an athlete, me an artist - we were just different. It didn’t stop us from being best friends but that love story is for another day. Like many children, I taught myself to believe that I was never going to be enough - pretty enough, smart enough, but most importantly, thin enough. Frequently, these premature thoughts become all too powerful, and follow us into adulthood.
We all have that moment where we look in the mirror and sigh with disappointment about the way perhaps an old blouse fits us now. It hugs in the wrong places and, let’s face it, we feel kind of like a sausage in its casing. Unfortunately it is normal to feel this way. However, some of us go at lengths to avoid this old blouse, and to even avoid the mirror in fear of it crushing our week and sending us off into tears. Some of us do look in the mirror and can not look away in fear that the second we do, we will gain 10 pounds because of some dark magic evil spell. Worst of all, some of us take a glance into a reflective surface and cringe, bottling up all of the frustration and self hatred and channeling our energy into eating one salad in order to get us through the next few days of life.
Like I said, my journey of self hatred started as early as I can remember, but the pitfall - the worst of it all - occurred my senior year of high school. I can only phrase it as exhaustion from the feeling of hatred from living within my body. What had started as skipping lunch became skipping all three meals per day, with the occasional light dinner. I went from working out three times a week to three times a day. My body was fueled by coffee and the passionate need to be thin and my efforts were reaffirmed as I started to lose weight. People began asking me my secrets to the amazing transformation.
Within the course of three months, I had lost more than 30 pounds and I had finally reached my original goal weight. By this point, I had expected to be happy...and here comes the message I want to provide for all of you readers out there. Starving your body will not make you happy. Diets, weird exercise routines, and constant striving for “improvement” will not make you happy. Because once I had reached my original goal weight, it had already changed to ten pounds lighter, and by this point, life was hollow. The scariest part was the fact that I thought I was normal. It took a family intervention and intensive therapy but I made it out alive - something that many struggling with eating disorders might not have the chance at. I am lucky and that is why I MUST send this message as soon as I possibly can. I know it is not easy. Trust me, the fight to eat is a daily battle. I still can not say that I love my body all the time, but it helps to know that nobody is perfect. This text also serves as a reminder to rethink your compliments. Instead of saying, “Dang, girl, your body looks hot!”, consider complimenting in ways that can not be turned around to make one think that, for example, maybe they did not look thin enough yesterday. A good example of this might be, “Wow, Sharon, that color brings out your beautiful eyes!”. Just food for thought.
In essence, I encourage just a little bit more effort from everyone to practice radical self love, and help be that catalyst that encourages it in others, too. As I reach the end of this piece, I issue the challenge of the week:
1. Look into the mirror and say all of the things that you love most about yourself out loud. (Try to come up with new things everyday!)
2. Do not freak out about eating that slice of cheesecake if you are hungry, or even if you are not. Life will not end, and you will not gain 10 pounds. I promise.
3. Edit your compliments in a way that will encourage other people to love themselves for who they are - not what they weigh.
4. This one is just a bonus challenge but I have found that it helps your mental state in whatever stage of your journey you are in. Reach out to someone you love. I promise it will make both stories a little bit better.
