“Don’t you want to be in a relationship?” or “Aren’t you lonely?” are common questions I get from family and friends. Well family and friends, the truth is that I don’t want to be in relationship. I actually like being single. Sure it would be nice having someone buying me stuff all of the time, have someone to talk to 24/7, have someone to go on cute dates with all of the time and especially to have someone I can call mine. Yes, that would be nice. But right now, I think I need to be single. The last couple of relationships haven’t been "great," but they showed me one thing: I need to find myself.
I’m sure tons of people have heard that phrase before, but I realized that it is very true. First, I need to find out what type of guy is good for me. At first, I thought I had "a type," but I realized the type that I wanted wasn’t the one that was going to make me happy. I know that it could take a long time to find the right type of man for me, but I’m young and all I have is time. College really is the time to experiment (no, not in that way), but date different kinds of guys until I find what, or who, I really like. Secondly, I need to know me. I need to find my likes and dislikes. Usually, we already know our dislikes, but it takes so much longer to find what we like and much longer to find what we like in a possible boyfriend or girlfriend. I have a good idea about what I don’t like right now, but of course that will change. However, I have no idea what I do like though. It's difficult not to be influenced by other couples, their relationships and what society says you should like in a guy or girl. These opinions aren't what's important. I know now that I need to find myself. Once I do that, I can find happiness with another person.
I’m in college and there are a lot of fish in the sea, but I’m not ready to dive into the big blue. After coming out of a relationship, it is weird to go back to being one person and feeling slightly alone, but that’s the first thing I needed. I needed to be alone and I needed to have time to myself. Of course, this gave way to finishing many Netflix shows and that’s only the beginning. I realized how much I depended on the other person to do things for me, and, not only do I feel bad for doing that to them, I feel that I need to hold myself accountable from now on. I also realized that I needed to shift my focus from guys and dating to school and working; I know this is not ideal, but it worked. I got my GPA higher than last semester and I’ve been earning more money. My co-workers most likely think that I’m a total dud, but not spending money on makeup and clothes for dates and saving it for school seems a little bit smarter right now.
But I have to say one of the biggest reasons I choose to stay single is, I want to. It’s my decision. Why do I need a boyfriend? I didn’t know there were rules that girls always have to have a boyfriend. I’m choosing this lifestyle because I like it, I can do whatever I want, I can talk to whoever I want, I can go wherever I want and I can be myself. I don’t have this small fear inside me anymore of having to be a certain person for someone else. I don’t feel like I have to look a certain way, if the right guy comes along then he is going to like me for me, not the material reasons. I am a woman who can make my own conscious decisions and I choose to be single.
Of course, I hope that I won’t be single for too long, but if that’s what it takes to find my true happiness then so be it. This is supposed to be the most exciting time of my life and I want to take full advantage of that and have fun. Finding myself and who I am is my goal, I want to be able to have a meaningful relationship with a guy. I don’t want to have the drama that comes along with juvenile relationships anymore, I want to be able to have something real with a guy who wants the same thing. I don’t want to worry about relationships or guys all the time anymore, of course I look, but I’ll let him chase.
