I have been different my whole life, it’s nothing new to me. Though when one is different there is this pull to always try to be the same, even if in your mind you do not want to be. This is normal and human, and I am no different. I think I have tried every single time I have switched schools, including this year to be the same. However, one of the most depressing things you realize is that no matter how many times you go tanning or fix your hair, you will never be just another little duckling in a row. And maybe that’s a good thing.

I have a friend and you would not believe how much I would love to be like her. It's not jealousy per say, more admiration. Every day she gets up, showers, does her hygiene things, puts on nice clothing and makeup and goes to school or work. People see her as this wonderfully put together person, and whether she is or isn’t doesn't really matter because that is what people think.

My morning routine never looks like that. In fact, I pride myself on being able to get out the door in less than ten minutes. Every year I say to myself, “Self, this year we are going to do better! We will not wear sweatpants to class! We will put on makeup! We will do all the things that make us seem presentable!” And every year, I get to the month of November, and I am in sweatpants, showering at three in the afternoon because it just was not happening that morning.

At the same time as I'm sitting here in my sweatpants doing this article, I wonder to myself, “Why is it that every year I try so hard and still fail?” Which I have to tell you is a very puzzling question that forces a person to look and see their shortcomings which is never fun. Still, I force myself to try.

The reason I have since come up with is that maybe I simply do not want to. I know that sounds very silly because I just said that I did want to. But what I mean is that maybe I did not want to down in my core. Maybe I just wanted to please everyone else, maybe I wanted to seem normal, maybe I didn’t want to for me. When I realized this it made me realize that maybe, I never will. Maybe I will never want to wear a full face of makeup to work, maybe I will never want to straighten my hair, and maybe that’s okay.

I see so many girls, like my friend, who have to be put together or they won’t leave the house and every time I see one, I have to wonder whether she put that makeup on for herself or because she didn’t want people to see she was human. My message to you through all of this is you do not have to hide behind being the same, because like me I know you look pretty without it.