Many people will consider their parents as their main source of inspiration. Mine, however, are so much more than that. They're my best friends, sacred confidants, dose of reality, and my biggest fans. When people talk about my mom, they say that she's selfless, compassionate, and loyal. Personally, I couldn't agree more with them. My mom has taught me to love everyone with my arms wide open, and to treat everyone with respect and care. So, you might be able to understand my confusion when people talk about my dad and all they can seem to say is that he's "fat".
If I could describe my father is one word, it would be that he's strong. Growing up, I thought he was only the physical version of that word as I was always sat on his shoulders or watched him spend grueling hours outdoors doing yard work. But, as I grew older I realized he had so much more strength than what appeared. He was raised solely by his mother for 7 years of his life, as his own biological father was a coward and didn't want a relationship with his own flesh and blood. Thankfully, my grandmother ended up marrying a great man who helped mold my father into the man who he is today. But, that didn't stop my father from feeling like he had to carry around extra responsbility.
Being the eldest of 4 siblings, he was an unoffical role model for them. He helped around the house and missed out on lots of opportunities in order to help provide assistance for his family, even though he was only a kid. That work ethic is still very much evident today, as he not only helps provide for my sister and I but also makes sure that anyone from his aunts to his nieces and nephews are doing okay finanicially, emotionally, and spiritually. His main focus in life is to make sure everyone he loves is being cared for and that they feel important. I've only been dating my boyfriend for 6 months, yet, he treats him as if he's been apart of our family for years. His big teddy bear heart is one of the main reasons why I love him and feel so blessed to call him my dad.
Unfortunately, not everyone sees my father in the same lens as I do. For as long as I can remember, my father has struggled with his weight. Standing at a little over 6 feet tall, he's naturally a big boned guy. But, his weight has drastically changed within the past 20 years or so. At first, this was due to an ongoing struggle with knee injuries. At only 54 years old, my father has had a handful of knee surgeries, including 2 knee replacements. Even walking causes my father pain, and it's a struggle to watch someone you love so dearly be forced to miss out on daily activities because they're unable to keep up with everyone.
Yet, people love to assume that my father is lazy. Does my father go to the gym as much as he should? No. But, is he is twiddling his thumbs 24/7? Absolutely not. If he's not working third shift (sometimes second and third shift), he's running around doing errands such as grocery shopping or assiting one of his elders with housework. So, for people to just blame my father's weight struggle on him being "lazy" is just absurd.
Another reason I'd call my father strong is because he's been through more than I could ever handle. As mentioned before, his biological father was never really around in his life. Naturally, this caused my father and his mother to become very close. His mother was his rock, and he adored her so tenderly and genuinely. Sadly, she passed away rather suddenly in 2012. It took a huge toll on our entire family emotionally, but something changed in my dad after she passed. The wise ass jokes we shared became less frequent, and I noticed he stopped hanging out with his old basketball buddies as much as he used to. But, the biggest change was that he started eating at any chance he could.
Instead of talking to people, my father turned to large pepperoni pizzas and ESPN. He started to work longer hours, almost as if to avoid seeing his family and friends. He knew what he was doing to himself, and he was ashamed. He still is ashamed. My father lost the most important person in his life, and he didn't know how to handle it except through. It's something he still struggles with to this today, and it's something I try to help him with frequently.
Certainly, I don't want my father to be unhealthy and unhappy. But, I won't ever put him down for coping the way he does. I can only try to encourage to try healthier options or reaching out to someone to talk to about his feelings or thoughts. When someone is struggling, you shouldn't ever remind them that they're struggling or make them feel small or inadequate because they're struggling. So, it baffles me when people remind my father or my family how much weight he has put on. His weight doesn't, and should not define him. I appreciate the concerns people have over my father's well being, but calling him lazy or fat won't help him. Just be there for him. Appreciate him. Love him. I know I have, and will continue to do so.
I will never truly be able to thank God enough for blessing me with the parents I have, and all that they have done for me. To my papi: Gracias por ser el mejor padre que. Por favor, no perder nunca su luz y el espíritu. Te amo incondicionalmente.
