On July 24, 2000, I was five years old. My sister was about to be a senior in high school and my brother was heading into his freshman year. He was 14 at the time.
My brother, Ben, was always popular. He was a spectacular athlete and was kind to everyone he met. When I was born, mom told me that Ben said it was the best day of his life, and everyday he showed me that. My memory is terrible, but I remember a couple of days before he got sick when we went outside and had a huge mud fight. It had rained the entire day and so we went outside and chased each other, sort of like puppies when they first touch soft grass. We showed up at the front door covered from head to toe, but even mom couldn't help but smile at us. Ben had a heart of gold, and if a girl dreamed up a "Prince Charming," he would fit their description without a doubt. God put something special in Benjamin, and everyone knew it.
On July 24, 2000, I was five years old and would grow up quicker than any five year old I know. On July 24, 2000 I came back from day-care with my mom and ran to the door to see my brother. You see, Ben had football practice, he was going to start as a freshman, and his practice was over. I rushed inside and found Ben on the floor of our bedroom, not moving.
I ran next door to call the ambulance, and they shocked my brother to get him breathing again.
Ben was born with a condition called WPW, or Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, and on July 24, 2000, he had a cardiac arrest. My family was heartbroken, our community was rattled, and I was so confused.
Why were my parents gone all of the time? What has happened to my brother? What will happen from here on?
Those were the questions I asked when I was five. Now that I understand, I ask different questions.
How were my parents so strong? How did my sister manage to care for her baby brother? God, why my brother?
How unfair, right?
But if you know my brother, you know he has never, and will never be held down. My brother may have lost the ability to walk or talk, but he has not lost the ability to be an inspiration to anyone he meets.
My brother still lives. He fights. He smiles when he sees me, and he laughs when his wheelchair runs over my foot. I see him look up to the sky, and I see him find my face from far away. I see his joy when I play "Bennie and the Jets," and I see his anger when you try to brush his teeth. I see my brother in pain, and then I see him smile. My brother still lives.
You see, Ben can not talk or walk, but Ben keeps living. Ben is my inspiration because dispite incredible odds and pain, he is still able to smile. I go through college and think about a hard test or stress at work, and then I think about Ben. My brother is the only person I know that can make you feel like a champion without saying a word. He is the only person I know that can give people hope without saying a word. Ben is the only person I know that can inspire a family, a community, and a twenty-one year old college senior without saying a word.
It's important to take a step back and explain what I mean by living. In this case, "living" is not the simply breathing and existing. In this case, "living" means waking up, being able to smile, and making someone's day. It means living in the moment and loving your family. It means seeing your brother and sister and giving them a huge grin, and smiling for your mom even when you're in pain. "Living" in this case is attacking the day with courage and a purpose, while inspiring anyone who comes to see you.
Every day, I wake up and think of what could have been. I fight back the thoughts of jealousy and hatred towards July 24, 2000. And every day, I wake up and think about my brother sitting there in his wheelchair, smiling back at me. I think of my brother's wondering eyes when he hears his favorite songs, and I think of my brother's laugh when I dance in the car. I think of the love my family shares with Ben.
I think of my brother who is truly living.
So, why is my brother who can not walk or talk or feed himself such an inspiration to me?
Because he is the definition of perserverance. He is the definition of love. He is the definition of hope.
I know that despite any struggles that I may face in life, Ben is with me and giving me his strength.
Ben cannot physically walk, but he walks with me every moment of my life. My inspiration is someone who continues to fight the struggles of life, and continues to find reasons to smile.
To Ben: Thank you so much for your constant love. I strive to be like you in every way, and I would not trade you for anything or anyone. You are a rock, and you have provided so many people with the courage and strength to keep going. You are the best man I have ever known, and will ever know. You are my inspiration, and because of you I can handle life's hills. You will forever be my best friend.
I love you bud,
Sam
