You left too soon without saying goodbye. You were not suppose to be sick. You could not have been so sick to be fighting for your life. We had just had a Facetime call and you were so full of life. You were cracking all kinds of jokes. You were laughing your contagious laugh. You told me that you felt better. We stayed up extra late that night talking all about our future together. We said our usual ‘I love yous’, and I had no idea that it would be the last time.

But I think you knew it was your time. You would say scary things. You would talk about the details of your funeral. You even told me “Well if I die, I just want you to know you mean the world to me and I love you so much.”

I fell hard for you. I had never thought that I would let someone in like that. I took forever to say “I love you” back, but you patiently waited. I remember the time in our relationship when you would tell me “I love you” and I would just reply “I know.” I only wanted to say those three words to my husband. When those words finally slipped out of my mouth, I made you promise me that you would not break my heart. The day you left, you did not just break my heart; you completely shattered it.

For a really long time I was angry. I was angry that God took you entirely too soon. I was angry at the things ignorant people would say to try to bring me comfort. I was angry because I felt like you chose to leave me, like you chose to leave all of us.

The day you left, the world seemed a little darker. I did not just lose my boyfriend. I along with so many other people, lost my best friend. Your sweet little nieces and nephews lost their ‘Uncle Chubby Butt’. Your siblings lost their beloved brother. Your mother lost her baby. But heaven gained the most joyous angel.

As I have had my journey though the grieving process, my thoughts on the whole situation have changed. I used to be devastated that you left. Now, I can only think about that glorious moment and the huge grin on your face as you walked up to the pearly gates and you were greeted by Jesus. I used to be angry that you did not even have a chance to fight that awful disease that snuck up on us and stole you away before we even knew what hit us. Now, I am thankful that you could leave on your own terms, with dignity and respect. That you lived.

There are a lot of things you have missed out on and are going to miss out on. I wish you could have come to my little brother’s stock shows. I wish we could have spent the summer together. I wish you could have started lineman school. I wish you could meet my littles. I wish you could come to birthdays, anniversaries and weddings. I wish you could watch all of your nieces and nephews grow up. I wish you could see your little sister get married. I wish you could do a lot of things and experience so much more than what you did in your short nineteen years. I am so thankful for all of the things that you did experience.

Thank you. Thank you for patiently waiting for me. Thank you for being my best friend before anything. Thank you for our million silly inside jokes. Thank you for listening to me while I would talk throughout your favorite movies. Thank you for the endless laughs. Thank you for the millions of sweet compliments that made a smile spread across my face. Thank you for always walking my dogs with me even though you were allergic. Thank you for always listening to my stories that were entirely too long. Thank you for the late nights of stargazing. Thank you for not judging my embarrassing baby pictures. Thank you for always being my personal cheerleader. Thank you for singing along with me in the car (and not complaining too much when I made your ears bleed). Thank you for always making the time to play COD with Blake. Thank you for all your hard work on the farm helping my dad. Thank you for being the life of the party. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ask for. Thank you for being the ‘fun uncle’. Thank you for being the squirrley little brother, but also the big brother that picked on, but looked out for, all of your siblings. Thank you for being the ‘momma’s boy’ that did everything to help make her proud. Thank you for listening to all my late night rambles. Thank you for buying my food and always letting me have “just one bite” of yours too. Thank you for always making me feel beautiful. Thank you for slowly and carefully taking apart the high walls I built around my heart. Thank you for the big bear hugs that felt like you were holding me together. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, and through that sweet love, teaching me how to love. Thank you for pushing me to dream big. Thank you for dreaming up a beautiful future with me. Thank you for making me feel so important, as you did to everyone you encountered. Thank you for being the prime example of living a life to the fullest. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making life a wonderful adventure. Thank you for all of the things that you taught me. Thank you for simply being you. You did more for me than I ever let you know.

I think I could write a whole novel about you, but I do not think I could do you any justice. The impact you left on not just me, but our entire community is incredible. The type of person you were is something to strive for. I thank God every day for sharing you with me. I praise Him for the legacy you have left here on this earth. We have hope today because my charismatic, goofy, thoughtful, one-of-a-kind, loving Alfredo is in heaven rejoicing with Jesus.

Although I miss you terribly, I know I will see you very soon. Until then, keep looking out for me. I know we will have a lot of catching up to do one day.

I love you and that wittle nose the most,

Your Brookles