Why Modern Dating Is Toxic | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

Why Modern Dating Is Toxic

Let's start truly, intentionally dating again.

940
Why Modern Dating Is Toxic
Wedding Everything

Recently, anti-commitment articles and counterproductive online relationship tips have caught my eye, and I'm concerned. Some of the titles I have seen include "10 Tiny Lies It's OK to Tell in a Relationship" and "I Want To Be Single -- But With You," and I couldn't hide my opinion of the new-age ways of dating any longer. First of all, why is it ever "OK" to tell lies in any form in any type of relationship, and why is it also alright to crave singleness AND a sexual partner at the same time? It's troubling, to say the very least.

These days it seems like everyone wants a relationship, just not a real and committed one. As humans, we want to feel like our significant other thinks we're attractive and exciting, but we don't want to put in the effort it takes to truly love someone. My question is, when did the art of dating become all about sex and freedom instead of true affection and fully learning someone's personality?

I think we've become pretty numb to the fact that we were literally created for relationship, whether it be a friendship or marriage. We weren't meant to be casual with our hearts, but that's exactly what I see so much of every day. Whether it be guys leading girls on over and over again or girls claiming a guy just isn't "the one," yet still messing with his emotions, our dating style these days makes me sick.

Today's culture is full of ultra-casual daters, and I think they are ruining what it means to be in a relationship. Because of the lack of standards that casual daters have, loyalty is becoming obsolete. If you're an intentional dater, in today's society, you are rare and part of the minority. And, in my opinion, you're doing it right.

But that isn't just my opinion, it's the way God created relationship. He made Eve from Adam's rib to combat human loneliness, and that is a truly beautiful partnership. It was the first marriage in the Bible, but it isn't the only one. God also created a marriage between Jesus and the church, so I'd say that God knows what a perfect relationship looks like. Because of that truth, here are some Bible verses that we should start modeling our dates and relationships after:

"And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:22-24 (ESV)

God made man and woman to be complementary parts of each other to worship Him better, but the way that I see some guys treating women on my college campus, it's hard to believe that we were made to be this intimate with the opposite sex. However, because of this intimacy between the sexes, men were made to leave their families and find a woman to spend forever with. And men and women weren't just meant to co-habitat for the rest of their lives. They were meant to become one flesh, which is the epitome of commitment.

"Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers." - Hebrews 13:4 (HCSB)

The act of marriage demands respect. The problem with daters today is that they are too nonchalant with their emotions, which disrespects loving someone enough to commit to them forever. In today's culture, dating around and becoming sexually acquainted is accepted, and even championed. We are told that our bodies are our own, so we should use them up now, while we're still young, but God intended our bodies to first be a temple and a vessel for His work through us. He also created our bodies for intimacy with our husband or wife. Modern dating breeds a lot of adulterers, which makes the downfall of marriage inevitable.

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." - 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (ESV)

In these verses, God urges us to stay single if we can because a relationship with Him is better than any earthly relationship. But God also knows that we sin and, as humans, we crave acceptance and affection from other humans. He gave us the gift of relationship so that we can worship Him through it, yet so many people let their passions control them instead of following God's command to channel their passions in a committed and accountable relationship. This is how hearts get so broken and how the percentage of married couples declines more each year.

I'm reading a book by Timothy Keller called The Meaning of Marriage that absolutely hits the nail on the head, as far as modern dating is concerned. He states that "older views of marriage are considered to be traditional and oppressive, while the newer view of the 'Me-Marriage' seems so liberating. And yet it is the newer view that has led to a steep decline in marriage and to an oppressive sense of hopelessness in regard to it. To conduct a Me-Marriage requires two completely well-adjusted, happy individuals, with very little in the way of emotional neediness of their own or character flaws that need a lot of work. The problem is--there is almost no one like that out there to marry! The new conception of marriage-as-self-realization has put us in a position of wanting too much out of marriage and yet not nearly enough--at the same time."

Relationships aren't meant to be handled in a nonchalant way, but they also aren't meant to be perfect, either. So let's start truly, intentionally dating again.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
girl
Pexels

In case you're unaware, "resting bitch face" is the term used to describe when a person's natural, expressionless face makes it look like they are mad at the world. Whether they are walking down the street or simply spacing out thinking about what to eat for dinner, it's very easy for others to assume that this person is either upset or mad at them. Because of this, those of us with Resting Bitch Face (RBF), and especially us women, have all experienced many of the same situations and conversations, including:

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

The Stages Of A Crush As Told By The Cast of "Bob's Burgers"

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

69
my heart just pooped its pants
Google

We've all had a crush before. Whether it leads to something or nothing, the process has all been the same. The awkward feelings, the stalking, and the stress of trying to keep this huge secret. The feeling of becoming a total spazz is something that cannot be avoided, and the most spazzy family that can relate to this feeling is the Belcher's.

Keep Reading...Show less
you didnt come this far to only come this far lighted text
Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

At the tender age of 18, we are bestowed with the title of “adult.” For 17 years, we live under the rules and guidelines of our parents, school, and government, and to stray from any of those rules or guidelines marks us as a rebel. At 18, though, we must choose which college we want to go to or what career we want. We are allowed and encouraged to vote. We can buy lottery tickets and cigarettes. We can drop out of school, leave our household, and do other "adult" things. At 18, we start down a path of thinking for ourselves, when for the entirety of our lives other institutions have been mandated to think and do for us.

Keep Reading...Show less
university
University of Nebraska at Omaha

Creating your schedule for the upcoming semester can be an exciting process. You have the control to decide if you want to have class two-days a week or five-days a week. You get to check things off of your requirement checklist. It's an opportunity for a fresh start with new classes (which you tell yourself you'll never skip.) This process, which always starts out so optimistic, can get frustrating really quickly. Here are 25 thoughts you have when registering for classes.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

10 Thoughts Of A 5th Year Senior

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1311
college shirt
pointsincase.com

"College will be the best four years of your life" is a phrase that we have all heard growing up. College is painted as a magical place to us while we are in high school. A place you go to learn, meet your best friends and probably have the time of your life while all of this is going down. Four whirlwind years, where everything that you've known changes and you start to learn what it means to live on your own, have a job, etc. But what about those of us who don't do this all in four years? Major changes, hard courses, switching schools, career paths changing, these are just a handful of factors that could extend your four years to five, six or seven. There is nothing wrong with taking extra time to graduate, but returning as a fifth-year is a little different. Most of your best friends have most likely graduated and moved and while you may be one of the oldest undergraduates on campus, you might feel as awkward as a freshmen. A world that became home and comfortable to you is still there but it's slightly different than you've known it to be and you have to find a groove to fall into. These are thoughts you'll have as you look ahead to returning to your college campus, with a victory lap planned.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments