Recently, anti-commitment articles and counterproductive online relationship tips have caught my eye, and I'm concerned. Some of the titles I have seen include "10 Tiny Lies It's OK to Tell in a Relationship" and "I Want To Be Single -- But With You," and I couldn't hide my opinion of the new-age ways of dating any longer. First of all, why is it ever "OK" to tell lies in any form in any type of relationship, and why is it also alright to crave singleness AND a sexual partner at the same time? It's troubling, to say the very least.
These days it seems like everyone wants a relationship, just not a real and committed one. As humans, we want to feel like our significant other thinks we're attractive and exciting, but we don't want to put in the effort it takes to truly love someone. My question is, when did the art of dating become all about sex and freedom instead of true affection and fully learning someone's personality?
I think we've become pretty numb to the fact that we were literally created for relationship, whether it be a friendship or marriage. We weren't meant to be casual with our hearts, but that's exactly what I see so much of every day. Whether it be guys leading girls on over and over again or girls claiming a guy just isn't "the one," yet still messing with his emotions, our dating style these days makes me sick.
Today's culture is full of ultra-casual daters, and I think they are ruining what it means to be in a relationship. Because of the lack of standards that casual daters have, loyalty is becoming obsolete. If you're an intentional dater, in today's society, you are rare and part of the minority. And, in my opinion, you're doing it right.
But that isn't just my opinion, it's the way God created relationship. He made Eve from Adam's rib to combat human loneliness, and that is a truly beautiful partnership. It was the first marriage in the Bible, but it isn't the only one. God also created a marriage between Jesus and the church, so I'd say that God knows what a perfect relationship looks like. Because of that truth, here are some Bible verses that we should start modeling our dates and relationships after:
"And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:22-24 (ESV)
God made man and woman to be complementary parts of each other to worship Him better, but the way that I see some guys treating women on my college campus, it's hard to believe that we were made to be this intimate with the opposite sex. However, because of this intimacy between the sexes, men were made to leave their families and find a woman to spend forever with. And men and women weren't just meant to co-habitat for the rest of their lives. They were meant to become one flesh, which is the epitome of commitment.
"Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers." - Hebrews 13:4 (HCSB)
The act of marriage demands respect. The problem with daters today is that they are too nonchalant with their emotions, which disrespects loving someone enough to commit to them forever. In today's culture, dating around and becoming sexually acquainted is accepted, and even championed. We are told that our bodies are our own, so we should use them up now, while we're still young, but God intended our bodies to first be a temple and a vessel for His work through us. He also created our bodies for intimacy with our husband or wife. Modern dating breeds a lot of adulterers, which makes the downfall of marriage inevitable.
"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." - 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (ESV)
In these verses, God urges us to stay single if we can because a relationship with Him is better than any earthly relationship. But God also knows that we sin and, as humans, we crave acceptance and affection from other humans. He gave us the gift of relationship so that we can worship Him through it, yet so many people let their passions control them instead of following God's command to channel their passions in a committed and accountable relationship. This is how hearts get so broken and how the percentage of married couples declines more each year.
I'm reading a book by Timothy Keller called The Meaning of Marriage that absolutely hits the nail on the head, as far as modern dating is concerned. He states that "older views of marriage are considered to be traditional and oppressive, while the newer view of the 'Me-Marriage' seems so liberating. And yet it is the newer view that has led to a steep decline in marriage and to an oppressive sense of hopelessness in regard to it. To conduct a Me-Marriage requires two completely well-adjusted, happy individuals, with very little in the way of emotional neediness of their own or character flaws that need a lot of work. The problem is--there is almost no one like that out there to marry! The new conception of marriage-as-self-realization has put us in a position of wanting too much out of marriage and yet not nearly enough--at the same time."
Relationships aren't meant to be handled in a nonchalant way, but they also aren't meant to be perfect, either. So let's start truly, intentionally dating again.
