I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about how people are saving themselves for marriage for a variety of reasons. Some people choose to save themselves for religious reasons, others choose to save themselves because they like the idea of having their first time be with the person who will (hopefully) be the person they have sex with forever.

And I think that’s totally fine; if you want to wait to have sex, that’s your prerogative. You have your reasons for it, so more power to you. But I’ve read too many of these kinds of articles that are written to make it sound like it’s a bad thing to have sex outside of marriage, or that people who have sex outside of marriage are somehow inferior to those who don’t. For those articles that do take a holier-than-thou perspective, I think it’s important to remember that having sex outside of marriage does not make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you don’t have self-respect, it doesn’t make you some insatiably lustful person with no self-control, and it definitely doesn’t make you stupid.

Sex is a normal part of life, and a big part of it, too. And when it’s done safely and with someone you trust, there are a lot of benefits. Some of these include physical health benefits like the exercise you get from it (kind of funny, but true), emotional benefits like creating trust and sharing affection, and just the fact that, well, it’s supposed to feel good. I’m not saying that you should go around having sex just because it “feels good;” but for some people that might very well be the motive, and if you do want to do it for simply that reason, then that’s your prerogative. The whole thing is that whatever your reason is for having or not having sex, it’s your business. Do what you want to do with yourself and whomever else, just do it safely and understand the risks that come along with it. And if you are or aren’t having sex, for whatever reason, don’t be preachy about it. The decision to have sex is usually a big one, at least the first time, and it’s something that people should decide for themselves when they think they’re ready. That’s not to say that you can’t give your opinion either way, but don’t be condescending or haughty about it.

If you asked me personally, I would say that sex is a big deal. There are lots of physical and emotional components that come along with it. So ideally, I feel like it should be done with someone you know, trust, and hopefully love. Once again, this is strictly just an opinion. I know there are people who have different viewpoints. I know people who have made the choice to wait, people that have chosen to have sex while in committed relationships, and people who simply enjoy casual sex. And there are way more different kinds of attitudes towards sex than the three I just listed there, but for whatever reason you have for doing (or not doing) it because it's your own personal reason. But please remember that it is never tied to your self-worth, because whether you’ve had sex with 40 people or one person or nobody, it doesn’t mean you are any better or worse in terms of character.

So if you do or don’t want to have sex, that’s on you. Just remember to take things at your own pace, because although you can get lots of advice on the topic, you’re going to have to make the call eventually on if you want to do it or not. And when that time comes, I hope that you’re confident in your heart about what you decided because you have a lot of information to back up your decision from a lot of sources—sources that are more concerned about your general well-being as opposed to simply preaching an opinion.