I've never been overweight but I've never been super fit. My weight pretty much has always fluctuated with my mood for the moment and I always tried to love that, but I just really couldn't. Now that my boyfriend is 6 foot 4 with a six-pack, standing next to him I feel like a beached whale. (Now before I proceed let me explain that the boyfriend has nothing to do with this article and somehow thinks I look like a Victoria's Secret model while consuming 10 pounds of cheese fries)
When constant messages about loving my body are shoved down my throat at every angle, I started to feel like maybe I was the only person on the face of the planet who wasn't happy with their weight. I see fit girls with six packs rocking it, curvy girls wearing every style rocking it, and all other body types just rocking what they have. But I never quite felt like that and I've always felt guilty about it.
Now I know what you're thinking, "shut up, I'm sure you look fine." And that's the main problem with why I can't love my weight. We've all been guilty of it and lord knows I do it all the time but the proper response for when someone is saying they don't like their body isn't shut up. Don't get me wrong, I've done this all the time and up until recently did I realize it's not the right thing to say, and I'll tell you why. I know it may sound like a compliment but saying shut up is basically saying that the person’s feelings are invalid. That they are not right for wanting to change their body and that they are not supposed to feel that way, which only adds to the self doubt in the first place. Should I just lay back and love myself even if I see all of these flaws? Am I being selfish for feeling inadequate? Am I wrong for thinking I have not reached my full potential?
The answers to these questions are all no. While yes, we all have flaws and are always going to have things we don't like about ourselves, we have to understand that some things we can change and some things we have to accept. Your feelings should never be invalidated by someone else's idea of beauty. You should never feel beautiful because someone else thinks you are, or feel hideous because of harsh words from a mean person. You should feel beautiful because YOU feel beautiful, and if you don't then do something about it.
I've always felt guilty about wanting to change my body. I felt like I wasn't grateful for what I had and that since others thought I looked fine that I was just being insecure and selfish for feeling that I needed to change. I felt like if I went on a diet I would be a hypocrite for preaching to love yourself. I felt like I had to love my body exactly the way it is or else I am being dramatic.
As much as I hate dieting and exercise (and trust me I really really hate it) I've learned recently that it's something I have to do if I want to feel the best about myself mentally and physically. But that's not for everyone. If you can look in the mirror and think "damn I look good" every day then good for you! And power to you for loving who you are. But just because I don't doesn't make me less of a woman or an insecure person.
Wanting to change something about your appearance is normal, especially when it comes to weight, as long you do so in a healthy way. If you don't feel like you're living a healthy lifestyle then get out and do something about it. If you love who you are inside and out then that is amazing for you and I hope to one day be there as everyone should be. For some of us though, it takes more than just a glance in the mirror to feel good.
The bottom line is that it's okay not to love every part of yourself, as long as you’re not being too critical. If we never wanted to change something about ourselves then we would never grow. You don't have to fit into anyone's definition of beautiful except for your own. So take a step back and appreciate that you are a beautiful work in progress.
