I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.
- Marcus Aurelius
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/marcusa..
Human beings, as a species, are extremely self-centered. It is our instinct to protect ourselves from threat. We are fighters, it's how we survive. Being a fighter brings forth opinions. All humans have opinions and reactions which is what makes our world so intellectual.
When I initially think about the idea of taking things personally, I think about ensuring I do not let the opinions of others out-weigh my own. I should not let things get to me.
Yet lately, I have seen a different view on the idea.
Being able to discuss the way we feel is how we bring forth change. It's how we improve each other.
People love to react to a person's emotions with "don't take it personally," or, "wow, why do you have to be so sensitive about things?"
How do you feel after someone says something like that to you?
Personally, I feel like crap.
When something upsets me, and I let it show, hearing that I should not take it personally only makes me feel worse. It negates how I feel. Of course you're going to take things personally, whether you think you are or not. I don't think being strong and having tough skin defines the way we feel about things. Everyone is all about being the bigger person, the stronger person, the rock. Sometimes, we cannot help the way we feel. Our society tends to push feelings aside. We don't like to talk about them.
Sometimes, it's OK to take things personally.
Telling someone not to take something personally is like stripping them of their self. It's like telling them their feelings are invalid.
If something upsets you, you're allowed to be upset. You have every right to feel the way you feel. When someone tells you not to take something personally, it's usually to make themselves feel better about what they said or did. They don't want to be in the wrong, so they're negating how you feel so they can feel at ease. As Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius described, every man loves himself more than the rest. We are more out for ourselves than we know.
In all honesty, I find being the one to allow your feelings to show makes you the stronger one in the situation. Instead of shrugging everything off that does not settle with you just because they make another person uncomfortable, confront them. Explain how you feel.
Never take "don't take it personally" as an excuse again.
Your feelings are just as valid as the next one.
