No matter the situation, breakups suck. Whether it's you ending things, someone ending things with you or a mutual decision, the fact of the matter is something is being lost. And it is OK to mourn the loss of a relationship, to mourn the loss of a future you imagined with them, to mourn the loss of the little things that came along with that person and your relationship with them. But it is also OK to feel OK after a breakup and not feel guilty about it.
In my case, I was the one who was broken up with and I certainly cried the first night while possibly listening to sad songs as I drove around my hometown and maybe even sent a series of emotional texts to my ex's phone... or maybe I did all of those things, oops. But the next morning, I felt just fine. Part of me was worried that I was just too tired to feel anything and the other part of me felt guilty. I felt guilty for not feeling sad, but something you should never apologize for is feeling happy. I guess I just realized that being sad about something is not going to change the outcome of the situation. Mourning the loss of my boyfriend and our relationship was not going to make him come back to me. So instead of mourning the loss of a chapter in my life, I chose to accept how I was feeling and embrace a new chapter in my life. That's something we should all start doing after a break up, because dwelling on the past or what could have been done differently is not going to help you move forward into your future.
Now, feelings do not just disappear over night, we all know this. Feeling OK after a breakup does not mean that you are entirely over that person or feeling one hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time. But what it means to feel OK after a breakup is letting go of the negative energy that often comes along with it, holding onto it will lead you nowhere. What it means is seeing the positives in the situation and learning to be happy on your own. For me, this is sleeping through the night without waking up to someone stealing the covers, not having to share my bottle of wine, and leaving my phone untouched for hours. I can also start planning for my future and doing what is best for me, instead of thinking about how these things could effect my significant other and our relationship. Feeling hopeful for your future is not something you should ever feel guilty about, being selfish is necessary for our mental health sometimes.
The biggest lesson in being happy on your own: Focusing on yourself because it really is the little things that make the big picture. You deserve to be happy and being happy on your own is the truest form of independence, in my opinion. You should not feel guilty for letting go of the past and focusing on your present self to better your future self.
And so, it's OK to feel OK after a breakup, because sometimes (or all of the time) you just need to focus on your own happiness and well-being. You do not owe the person who walked out of your life anything, you only owe it to yourself to make the best of it.
