I have come to loathe the phrase “I’m fine,” particularly because the one who utters those two words is usually not fine at all and is, in fact, struggling, barely holding on, if not already lost his or her grip.
We can all think of at least one person with a looming dark cloud above her head, the Debbie Downer, the one who never seems to have her act together, and is always just “fine.”
But it’s not just little old Debbie who is guilty of this. We all seem inclined to use the phrase constantly as well, trying to deflect talking about our feelings with those who want to understand while still letting everyone around us know we are in a terrible mood. We even use it for other people. We may know that Phil has a heroin addiction and is on a downward spiral, but whenever anyone asks about him we say, “He’s fine.”
Variants of the phrase such as “I’m alright” or “I’m OK,” each with the same downtrodden tone is becoming equally irritating to me. I am by no means attempting to look down upon others. Part of the reason I am so annoyed is because I have recently become aware of my own tendency to display the same behavior.
But sometimes it strikes me as odd. Why is everyone so afraid of saying they are not OK?
I have noticed a mindset in all of my friends, as well as myself, in which we are petrified of being upset in front of others. If we shed a tear, we are weak. If we are having a rough day, then it is because we were not strong enough.
Yes, sometimes we should stop throwing pity parties (though they are fun) or adapt a sense of optimism. However, there are times when life just sucks, and we shouldn’t be expected to wear a smile on our face when we are struggling. But I have realized that society places a huge emphasis on being happy, or rather, encourages people to try to develop a sense of feigned happiness, even when they are two seconds away from a breakdown.
We are pushed to appear OK even when we’re not, and that is simply not healthy. Bottling up feelings can cause stress, depression and anxiety in addition to an innumerable amount of physical problems. It is estimated that approximately 14.8 million Americans have depression. This does not account for those who have not been diagnosed and the slew of people with circumstantial depression.
It is clear that our methods are not working. We need to find other ways to deal with sadness besides trying to cover it up. We shouldn’t be ashamed of talking to others when we feel as if we can’t go on, but in order for this to happen, there needs to be a shift in the way sadness and depression are viewed. It is time to stop seeing them as weaknesses and accepting them as natural human emotions.
Losing a friend this month has inspired me to want to live my life in a better way and to take advantage of every opportunity. But I think we have it backward sometimes. We cannot expect to live life to the fullest if we are always struggling internally.
So, if you’re wondering if you should ever get help or talk to someone about an issue you are having, chances are you probably should. But let me be the first to tell you that there is nothing wrong with that. It’s OK not to be OK.
