I’ve struggled with depression for my whole life, and at the lowest of my lows, I hated everything.
I hated my family and friends.
I hated school and sports.
I hated God.
But most of all, I hated myself.
I hated my mind that was tormented by suicidal thoughts.
I hated my cold, lifeless heart that refused love from others.
I hated my actions that just drove me deeper and deeper into guilt and shame.
I won’t go in-depth in my story, but if you want to read more, you can check it out here: Up From The Pit
What this post is about is why it’s okay to hate myself… well, kind of okay.
Depression is not something to be taken lightly. Trust me, I know that. You must love yourself because you are loved by God. You are beautifully and wonderfully made in His image.
But, I am saying that it is good for you to hate when you sin against God. We all have this internal struggle of acting wrong yet knowing what is right. In the Bible, it is referred to as the flesh versus the spirit.
In Galatians, Paul writes,
”For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” Galatians 5:17 (ESV)
Our flesh has the desire to sin, and the Spirit dwelling within us desires to do what is right. We are eternal beings who have been called by God to live above reproach in all that we do, but we are still humans that rebel against God’s will and law.
The bottom line is God hates our sin, and we, in turn, should hate our sin. Because no matter who you are, we all struggle with something. Everyone has sin that entangles us and prevents us from living sacrificially for the Lord. We must hate that sin and our flesh that carries it out.
Paul writes in Romans,
“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” -Romans 7:18 (ESV)
The battle is real, and it rages on day after day. As long as we breathe, the flesh will always be opposed to the Spirit. But instead of using the hate of our sin to fuel us, we must rely on the love of God to overwhelm us and all that we do.
Later in Romans 7, Paul writes,
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” -Romans 7:23-24 (ESV)
Jesus Christ was crucified for us. He bore the weight of all of mankind’s sins (including all the ones that have taken capture of you and me). However, the grave could not defeat the power of God, and in three days, He rose again. We have victory over our sin through the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
We are humans, though. We will sin. There’s no stopping that, but we should not go about living in our sin and thinking nothing of it. We should hate our sins and understand how detestable it truly is in the eyes of the Lord, but let us allow the love and grace of God to be our well were we draw our hope and strength.
So, love yourself because God loves you so much that He would send His only Son to die in place of you.
But hate yourself and your sin, because Christ died to give you victory. Whenever we rebel, it breaks God’s heart.
Let Jesus take over your heart and mind. Your life will not be perfect by any means, but you will begin living for His eternal purpose He has set out for you and me.
