This year on my birthday is the mark. I will have been in my mom’s life for as many years as I wasn't a part of it. Seventeen years full of love, life and years. My mom didn't do things in order, and although it was hard for the both of us at times, I wouldn't change it for the world.
We have a stronger relationship than most mothers and daughters.
It's always been us against the world. Getting pregnant before high school is over isn't ideal. Telling your parents you're going to have a baby isn't exciting. My mom has always told me: "the moment I held you and looked into your eyes I knew we were going to be okay." To this day it is still true. We grew up together. We made decisions together. Where you found her, you would find me not far behind, trying to walk in her heels with red lipstick all over my face. I don't think that if my mom would've done things "in order" we would have the same relationship.
It taught me never to depend on anybody.
My biological dad tried for a while, but I was a little too much for him to handle by himself. I guess I can't blame him. He was caught up in wanting to live, and he didn't mean for me to happen, but I did. He didn't stay like he promised my mom he would. He didn't keep his word like he said he would. He didn't love me like he swore he would. Although I can never fully understand, in some way I am thankful. I'm thankful that I learned so young that the only person I have is myself and myself only. In one way or another, someone will betray you. I'm so lucky I had grandparents who supported my mom and me. A lot of people are not that fortunate. Of course I want a family, but I will go to college and get an education for a career that will provide abundantly for me and my family regardless of the future.
It made me mature at a young age.
After my mom got married, she began to have more kids. I've always wanted to be a mom. So I helped in every single way I could. I would fold the laundry, I would clean the kitchen and I would rock the baby to sleep. For a few years I was stuck in the "why doesn't he want me?" or the "why aren't I good enough?" mindset. One day I decided that it wasn't me. It was him. I decided that I would go out of my way to be successful in everything I do to show him what he left behind.
It taught me a lesson.
I think that if I were to "repeat history," it would be okay. I would have the support and love I needed. We would be okay. But the most important thing I've learned from all of this is that I don't want to repeat it. What happens if they're so emotionally confused they can't function? I will go to school and learn for myself not to depend on anybody but myself. I understand that high school parents do stay together sometimes, but from my experience they don't. I believe that if I was in this situation I guess I wouldn't expect him to stay because my dad didn't stay for me. I want to go on to give my kids the best opportunities they can get. I want to finish my growing up so they don't have to grow up early.
In the end, I am a better person because of this. I would not take back one moment. My mom is my best friend. I'm not bitter at my biological dad. We have somewhat of a relationship too. I am truly happy. I am thankful to be a mistake that turned out to be a blessing. That's what I want you to know. No matter how you came about, you are a blessing.
