“So you guys are back together right?”
“Are you and uh… what's his name… dating again?”
“Oh you guys are TOTALLY hooking up.”
These are things I hear often, sometimes on a daily basis. And when I counter them with "No, we're just friends.", I'm usually met with some disbeleiving looks, as if what I'm saying couldn't possibly be true. Because who the hell is 'just friends' with their ex?
When I started dating my now ex-boyfriend almost 5 years ago, I had high hopes for our relationship. After dating for 3 years though, we broke up and at that point I didn't think we’d talk ever again. Obviously, this was a difficult time, but what happened afterward was something I couldn't have ever imagined. Today I can barely go a day without talking to him, we constantly text and SnapChat, and we’ve even vacationed together since our breakup. It’s been nearly two years now since we broke up but I can confidently say that my ex is one of my best friends.
When you're in a long-term relationship like I was, you get to know the person that you're dating pretty well, probably better than yourself. Even for the few months I didn’t talk to my ex after our breakup, I could still perfectly recite his Taco Bell order and predict what kind of music he was probably listening to at the moment. The fact of the matter is, when you're with someone for such a long time, you aren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. The person you’re with becomes your best friend, someone you can tell everything to and know that what you tell them isn’t going anywhere. Someone who won’t get grossed out by your loud burping, but will try and burp louder than you.
What neither of us realized until after we broke up was how much we had grown up with each other. We dated through most of high school, when big decisions are being made and your life changes, sometimes forever, based on the choices you make. We helped each other make those choices, held the other’s hand as we stepped into the great unknown of college, and supported each other through some of the worst moments of our lives. Because of what we’ve been through together, my ex and I are bonded for life. I can look at him and know exactly how he’s feeling, even if he won’t tell me himself. My ex and my best friend could probably go for an hour arguing about who knows me better, and he just might win that fight.
In my ex’s words, “Our relationship goes beyond selfishness and reaches into selflessness. Neither one of us gains anything from our relationship but happiness.” As countless people have told me that I shouldn’t be friends with my ex, that I’m tempting fate, and that I’m an idiot (I swear someone told me this…), I’m constantly reminded that I always have someone to lean on. And someone who will burp louder than me.
