Why I'm Sick of the Double Standards Surrounding Sex

Why I'm Sick of the Double Standards Surrounding Sex

Will they ever really go away?

Double standards. They’re everywhere you turn, and none are more prevalent than those surrounding sex.

I suppose the first time I truly started noticing them was high school. You’d overhear guys in the halls joking around with their friends about the chick they banged last night or how Joe’s body-count was way higher than Steve’s. That same day you’d hear the girl who he “banged last night” being labeled as a slut for letting him do it. Whereas one party was getting high fives, the other was getting dirty looks. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. And it’s really fucking stupid.

For starters, it’s 2016. We don’t live in the bygone eras of the 1940s and 50s where it’s believed the only thing a woman should be doing is staying home and taking care of her kids. We live in an age where more women than men are graduating college per year. An era where it’s not uncommon for a woman to be a CEO or to not get married — and that not be a problem. The concept of gender roles is slowly fading away in almost all areas, except when it comes down to doing the deed itself. In most respects, sex falls right into this category of things that have undergone massive renovations in the past few decades. Once viewed as taboo and something that should be kept behind closed doors, it’s now everywhere you turn. Literally. From TV to internet porn to webcam girls to the sexualizing going on in advertisements, our culture is WAY more comfortable with discussing sex than we used to be.

So why is the double standard of only men being able to have multiple partners still a thing?

A large part of me blames it on society. Girls are taught at such a young age to inadvertently allow men and their opinions to have control over their lives. We teach them that if a boy picks on them, it’s because he likes you and his behavior is therefore acceptable. If a boy breaks your heart and leaves you in shambles, it’s just “the way boys are.” It leaves girls feeling powerless and as they grow older, this only intensifies. “Don’t ask him out first, that’s weird!” “He’ll only notice you if you dress slutty.” SO many old and outdated rules all designed to please the men in our lives. It makes us feel as though we need re-assurance from the opposite sex in order to feel validated and this then carries on into our attitudes about sex. We have to follow the guidelines set by a male society or risk being called a slew of unsavory names.

As a college student and a female at a 90 percent male military school, I hear college guy sex stories A LOT and they usually are always the same. A group of guys sitting around talking about their latest conquest at JMU or UVA this past weekend and what that brings their ever-growing count up to. Then they’re cheered on by their friends and the cycle repeats. I’ve noticed girls don’t have these kinds of talks or if they do it’s usually just that ONE guy they’ve been seeing and what happened this time around. Which is fine.

But, for those of us who aren’t in long term relationships at the moment but who are still having sex, it makes things kinda awkward. And it shouldn’t. We shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking about our exploits for fear of being shamed and looked down upon. There is literally zero difference between a guy going out and getting laid at a party and a girl doing the exact same thing. Only, to society he’s a cool dude and she’s a slut. It’s absurd.

In an age where sex is everywhere you turn and has probably never been more casual, I can’t comprehend why women feel as though they have to follow some unwritten rule about not sleeping around, while men our same age gallivant through sorority dorms every weekend. Sex is a natural and enjoyable thing. In my opinion, as long as you’re educated about it and using proper protection, it doesn’t matter how many people you sleep with and society shouldn’t care. Just like sex is a pretty personal act, it’s also your personal business. If you’re single and want to be in a friends with benefits relationship, go for it. If you want to sleep with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a while, go for it. I refuse to let women feel bad for fulfilling their natural desires.

My point in all of this is there is no difference between men and women when it comes to sex, and I’m sick of women being put down by others for sleeping with who they choose to. Mind you, this isn’t only something that’s done by men. Fellow girls are some of the harshest critics and labelers you’ll ever come across. Stop talking badly about your friend for getting laid and instead be happy for her. How about we try some niceness instead of the constant drama that you start behind her back? In a society that’s come as far as we have, it’s a wonder to me that SO many people are still stuck in the mindset that men should be the only ones allowed to do what they want when it comes to sex. I mean really people? Women have fought for years to get the rights and equality they deserve ranging from voting to the workplace and everything in between. They should be able to go out there and get after what they want just as much as men, and without all the commentary that comes with it saying it’s not their place to do so. It’s not just a man’s world or conquest anymore. As Betty Freidan once said, "women don't get orgasms from shining the kitchen floor."

Cover Image Credit: Blogspot

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.

Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.


Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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It's Time For Romance Movies To Start Portraying Love And Relationships More Accurately

It's 2019, get with the times.


Currently, on TV and in the movies, many romance movies have the same storyline. If it's on Hallmark, two people fall in love and complete some kind of mission. If it's in the movies two people date/fall in love, something causes them to break up, then they get back together and everyone lives happily ever after.

The problem is that all of these plots are seriously unrealistic.

All of these movies and TV shows just inaccurately portray how a relationship works in real life. A real relationship takes a lot of work, time, and effort. Not everything is candy canes, unicorns, and comes so easily. There are so many other factors that people have to think about.

I really got into watching these romantic type movies when I started watching PG-13 movies. I would watch them and picture all my relationships going this way. But these movies painted the wrong picture of relationships. I'm not saying my boyfriend is a bad boyfriend at all, he is wonderful! But we both have learned it takes a lot of work, time, effort, and communication. These are things very few romance movies teach us.

Also, everyone expects things from their significant others from what they see in these movies. I was one of those people, but then real life hit. There are bills, jobs, and time management that you have to consider. This doesn't mean that my boyfriend and I don't go out, but we have to choose wisely for what we do and when we do it! We have also found fun things to do at home in place of going out in order to save money.

I understand that many people like to watch these programs and enjoy them. But there needs to be a change to accurately portray a relationship. Personally, I think this is why many young people's relationships don't last - they have watched this easy relationship develop and stay in a movie and they haven't seen what it is like in real life.

So, to those who produce these types of movies and shows, it's time that you start making things more realistic.

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