Why I'm Sick of the Double Standards Surrounding Sex

Why I'm Sick of the Double Standards Surrounding Sex

Will they ever really go away?

Double standards. They’re everywhere you turn, and none are more prevalent than those surrounding sex.

I suppose the first time I truly started noticing them was high school. You’d overhear guys in the halls joking around with their friends about the chick they banged last night or how Joe’s body-count was way higher than Steve’s. That same day you’d hear the girl who he “banged last night” being labeled as a slut for letting him do it. Whereas one party was getting high fives, the other was getting dirty looks. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. And it’s really fucking stupid.

For starters, it’s 2016. We don’t live in the bygone eras of the 1940s and 50s where it’s believed the only thing a woman should be doing is staying home and taking care of her kids. We live in an age where more women than men are graduating college per year. An era where it’s not uncommon for a woman to be a CEO or to not get married — and that not be a problem. The concept of gender roles is slowly fading away in almost all areas, except when it comes down to doing the deed itself. In most respects, sex falls right into this category of things that have undergone massive renovations in the past few decades. Once viewed as taboo and something that should be kept behind closed doors, it’s now everywhere you turn. Literally. From TV to internet porn to webcam girls to the sexualizing going on in advertisements, our culture is WAY more comfortable with discussing sex than we used to be.

So why is the double standard of only men being able to have multiple partners still a thing?

A large part of me blames it on society. Girls are taught at such a young age to inadvertently allow men and their opinions to have control over their lives. We teach them that if a boy picks on them, it’s because he likes you and his behavior is therefore acceptable. If a boy breaks your heart and leaves you in shambles, it’s just “the way boys are.” It leaves girls feeling powerless and as they grow older, this only intensifies. “Don’t ask him out first, that’s weird!” “He’ll only notice you if you dress slutty.” SO many old and outdated rules all designed to please the men in our lives. It makes us feel as though we need re-assurance from the opposite sex in order to feel validated and this then carries on into our attitudes about sex. We have to follow the guidelines set by a male society or risk being called a slew of unsavory names.

As a college student and a female at a 90 percent male military school, I hear college guy sex stories A LOT and they usually are always the same. A group of guys sitting around talking about their latest conquest at JMU or UVA this past weekend and what that brings their ever-growing count up to. Then they’re cheered on by their friends and the cycle repeats. I’ve noticed girls don’t have these kinds of talks or if they do it’s usually just that ONE guy they’ve been seeing and what happened this time around. Which is fine.

But, for those of us who aren’t in long term relationships at the moment but who are still having sex, it makes things kinda awkward. And it shouldn’t. We shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking about our exploits for fear of being shamed and looked down upon. There is literally zero difference between a guy going out and getting laid at a party and a girl doing the exact same thing. Only, to society he’s a cool dude and she’s a slut. It’s absurd.

In an age where sex is everywhere you turn and has probably never been more casual, I can’t comprehend why women feel as though they have to follow some unwritten rule about not sleeping around, while men our same age gallivant through sorority dorms every weekend. Sex is a natural and enjoyable thing. In my opinion, as long as you’re educated about it and using proper protection, it doesn’t matter how many people you sleep with and society shouldn’t care. Just like sex is a pretty personal act, it’s also your personal business. If you’re single and want to be in a friends with benefits relationship, go for it. If you want to sleep with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a while, go for it. I refuse to let women feel bad for fulfilling their natural desires.

My point in all of this is there is no difference between men and women when it comes to sex, and I’m sick of women being put down by others for sleeping with who they choose to. Mind you, this isn’t only something that’s done by men. Fellow girls are some of the harshest critics and labelers you’ll ever come across. Stop talking badly about your friend for getting laid and instead be happy for her. How about we try some niceness instead of the constant drama that you start behind her back? In a society that’s come as far as we have, it’s a wonder to me that SO many people are still stuck in the mindset that men should be the only ones allowed to do what they want when it comes to sex. I mean really people? Women have fought for years to get the rights and equality they deserve ranging from voting to the workplace and everything in between. They should be able to go out there and get after what they want just as much as men, and without all the commentary that comes with it saying it’s not their place to do so. It’s not just a man’s world or conquest anymore. As Betty Freidan once said, "women don't get orgasms from shining the kitchen floor."

Cover Image Credit: Blogspot

Popular Right Now

I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To The Friend I Rarely See Anymore

I wish you nothing but the best.


When we graduated high school, we thought it was the end for us. The distance would ruin us and we wouldn't be able to call ourselves friends. Thankfully, you were my rock for the first year of school. You were the one I turned to when the adjustment was hard or when I needed someone to talk to and just listen. We never lost our connection for a whole year. We proved that nothing could pull us apart no matter how far the distance, no matter the different schedules. We were still best friends.

Another summer came and we only got stronger. We went on countless beach trips, late night hangouts, and Starbucks runs. I didn't even think it was possible to be this much closer to you than we already were. If we weren't together, we would Snapchat or text to never stop the conversation.

Now summer ended, we didn't think twice about losing our connection this time. We had a bond stronger than anyone could fathom. We once again went our separate ways and kept our texting and Snapchat habits.

But something changed.

It must've been the comfort level of sophomore year. It must've been all the new friends we got. It must have been the boys who entered our lives. We don't speak anymore. I haven't seen you since winter break. I haven't texted you since New Year's Eve. Our connection, one that was once thought to be indestructible, came crumbling down with sophomore year. I am not going to lie, sophomore year was the best of my life, but I knew you were missing the whole time. It wasn't the same without you.

I'm not upset you chose to focus your time and life on your new boyfriend. I am happy for you. I am not upset you spend more time with your school friends. I am happy for you. I am not upset you don't text me anymore and killed our streak. I know you're living a happy life. And I am too.

We may have gone our separate ways like we never imagined, but I am happy you are finally happy. Don't forget for one second that I will always be here for you. I will still always answer your text. I will still always be your shoulder to cry on even when no one else is there for you. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope you're doing ok.

Related Content

Facebook Comments