Thursday night, I called my parents after sobbing in my dorm for an hour. I told them I couldn't be at school anymore. With my history of severe depression, they immediately drove the hour and 15 minute drive to Atlanta, picked me up, and took me home. I spent the night cuddling my dog, my mom, and crying. The next day, I met with my general physician, and she recommended I medically withdraw for the semester.
Rewind to last semester. In my first semester of college, I was placed on the President's Community Engagement Honor Roll for my volunteer work, served as Black Cat Chair and led the entire first year class through homecoming, took 18 credit hours, was selected to be a student ambassador for the Office of Admissions, was named to a selective leadership program, and maintained a 3.78 GPA. I came to school for my second semester looking to take harder classes, apply for internships, and continue to knock my college career out of the park. I cried myself to sleep most nights.
Honestly, I could have taken a semester off, no problem. With the credits I had from AP classes, I could medically withdraw with no consequences to my anticipated date of graduation. I had offers to go and live with my grandmother in Florida and spend my time painting. I read online about people raving about their semesters off, and how they came back to school refreshed and prepared. I spoke to my parents about the concept, and we gave the idea some serious consideration.
However, I decided, in agreement with my parents, that after spending a much needed long weekend at home, I would return to school. I would cut my course load and extra curricular activities dramatically, but I would return to school. I could have taken a break, I could have put a pause of my education, and I could have just rested. But the question remained-- would I be better for it? Would I be healthier when I came back in the fall?
My mother, while we were talking, said that you don't get a break from the real world. While this seems a little anti-millennial, and dismissive of mental illness, she was right. I will continue to work with my mental illness for the rest of my life. I need to learn how to seek help and work on my mental help while still balancing work and school.
So I'm not taking a semester off, even though I could. I wouldn't be a failure if I did, and I wouldn't be taking the easy way out, but I have still decided to return to college and finish my first year, and return in the fall for my sophomore year. And while I have a long road ahead of me, I'm ready to work towards my future.
