Like most other college students, I constantly look at my phone. Whether it’s a text message, an email, or just to skip that annoying song, that small screen is always demanding my attention.

Lately, though, those notifications have become a little less innocuous.

I grew up American-Israeli and spent my whole life, yo-yoing between the two countries — a few years here, in New Jersey, then a year there, etc. For those of us who have two national and cultural identities, navigating the everyday world can be confusing and sometimes straight up bizarre. However these two particular countries are especially politically turbulent as of late, and the never-ending series of news alerts that have been dominating my screen lately have been leaving me in a strange limbo.

In the U.S. there is sometimes a tendency to back away from politics and try to avoid the subject, even though it has become a little less avoidable lately. In a country like Israel, though, politics is always personal. Personally, political unrest has impacted my life in ways both big and small; Sometimes that means just being a little more careful about what neighborhoods I walk in or what clothing I’m wearing. Other times it means running to a bomb shelter or avoiding public transportation for fear of violence. The news has never seemed very far removed, especially not now that so many of my family and friends live there.

In the past week, President Trump announced that the U.S. recognizes Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. This is significant politically in the context of the Israeli Palestinian conflict (there are some great articles explaining why his announcement was important that you should definitely check out!). Regardless of my political views and whether I like or dislike his choice, I’m terrified by the violence it has reignited throughout Israel.

In light of this news, my week has been filled with surreal moments: sitting with friends in my dorm laughing and joking around, only to check my phone to find an alert about rockets fired in Gaza. Reaching for my notebook in class and seeing a notification about a stabbing. Opening up Instagram on the bus, only to notice a headline about protests in Jerusalem. While those around me continue with their daily lives, stressing about finals and looking forward to break, I feel pulled back to somewhere much further away.

There’s no way to resolve that feeling — no way to change the sinking sensation in my stomach when my phone buzzes ten times a day. Maybe I will always have those little reminders pulling me back towards my Israeli identity. For now, though, I think I’ll put my phone “do not disturb” and just try to find a balance between caring and letting those news notifications take control of my life.