Being one of 21 cousins on my mom's side, which does not include my cousin-in-laws or all of their kids, is a tough gig. To get an actual idea of how big my family is, if you add us all up including first cousins, husbands, wives, and their children there are 45 of us. Again, having a big family is the absolute worst.
There are many reasons, and the first is that I have to spend an entire week on the beach every summer with these weirdos. I mean, who would want to spend an entire week at the beach every single year playing games, golfing, putt-putting, shopping, going to wacky science amusement houses, swimming, and spending every meal with 53 people who love you (this number includes my aunts, uncles, parents, and wonderful grandma)? I mean, I would rather walk across the sun barefoot or, worse, walk across Legos barefoot than actually spend time with these people.
The second reason having an entirely way too big of family is the absolute worst is because when I just want to leave the beach every year, or whenever we get together for another event, I have to hug every single one of these people. And we all know everyone hates hugs. It's the worst, right?
The third reason is that at every single family wedding we have (which is a lot), I will always have a dance partner. Even when I do not want to dance, I always have one cousin trying to get everyone to do the cupid shuffle or a family favorite, "Sweet Caroline." And we all know dancing and having fun at a wedding sucks. I mean, everyone hates dancing. (My grandma actually does hate dancing at the family wedding, but that is another issue.)
The fourth reason having a big family is the absolute worst is that everyone keeps having babies! It's a little ridiculous because everyone hates babies. I mean, who wants to spend all of their time making cute little babies giggle or watching them for hours on end doing absolutely nothing but still smiling? Nobody, right!?
The fifth reason is that, as one of the younger cousins, all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins are already are out of college and have jobs. This means that every year I have to hear their advice about college, majors, and having a job. To top that off, having a big family basically means that we have someone in every single career. So if I ever have questions about a career path, there is someone to talk to. And we all know that being a college student with no idea of what you want to do in your life and having people guide you and help you is worse than forgetting you have a mid-term in an hour or running out of meals on your meal plan.
The last and final reason that having a big family is the absolute worst is that all fifty something of them will always love you unconditionally. I mean, who even likes love? No matter what I do or how I act, they will still love me. And as more wives, husbands, and children enter our family, they get the unfortunate burden of having all these people love them, too. It is just the worst.
Now, if you are having a hard time understanding my sarcasm, I am pointing it out right now. Having a big family is probably the greatest thing in the entire world and I have to give a shout out to Grandma Betty for having five kids to start this crazy, wacky clan. So to my crazy, wacky, and sometimes scary family, including the two getting married into this family this year (why would you do this?) and the two babies being forced to join this family, also this year, I love you all and I thank God for you every day.
(this is the beautiful Grandma Betty, the one to start it all)
