Happiness is not a choice.

If I could be happy by choice, there is no doubt in my mind that I would choose that. I wish so desperately I could choose to be happy.

There is nothing that bothers me more than when people say, “Happiness is a choice, just change what you’re thinking.”

Yes, I can change what I am thinking. I can think happier, more pleasant thoughts. Even doing all of that will not stop the chemicals in my brain from failing to do their job.

Even all the perfect medicine combinations will not always make the chemicals in my brain perform correctly. If there was a magic pill, or a magic remedy, I would take it in a heartbeat.

Suffering from depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder, I have come to terms that I am not sure there will ever come a day where I am 100% okay.

I have come to terms that I can be happy for a few days and extremely depressed for a month or the other way around. These are things I know I will have to fight through whenever they arise.

I finally understand that happiness is not something I can choose. It is a state of mind that could take days, months, or years to reach. It is a gradual process, and could possibly be an emotional one.

I am aware that people will probably always view me differently because of my mental illness and because I am so open with my struggles. My openness and strength have gotten me to where I am today. A place where I am not afraid to speak out and raise awareness about every single mental illness in the DSM5.

I am here to fight and challenge your idea that happiness is a choice. Absolutely for some people it is, but for some of us it is not. Some people can easily change their thoughts to something more positive, and some people don’t suffer from mental illness.

When I have gone through some of my darkest times, I was constantly told to challenge my negative thought and turn it into a positive one. There is nothing more frustrating than being told to change your thoughts. If there was a way I could flip a switch and think about sunshine and rainbows instead of list every flaw about me over and over again, I would flip that switch. It is a process. Something that takes time and sometimes requires medicine or other treatments.

Not everyone has the ability to switch their thoughts so easily. It can take minutes, hours, and multiple panic attacks later for some people to challenge their thoughts.

So next time you come across someone who is down in the dumps, or someone who is constantly complaining about life. Understand that their brain may not work like yours. They might not be able to see the bright side of things. They might have a chemical imbalance in their brains.

They might simply not have the power to choose happiness.