I am one of those people that likes to have everything planned out. I appreciate having a 'road map' to refer to when I get lost along the roadblocks life throws my way – and to look for inspiration in reaching the goals I have set for myself. The problem with life is that it is predominately happenstance. What’s scary is that it doesn’t feel like there is any room for unpredictability anymore. The reality of our futures after college is that a significant margin of us undergrads will live with our parents for at least a year after graduation in search of work. People nowadays feel lucky to even have a job, and to be working towards something they are passionate about. But unless your passion involves a stable income and a 401k plan, this can seem almost foolish.
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We like to feel that the decisions we make and actions we take hold consequence, that they can help push us in one direction or another, but what usually ends up happening is just a traceable pattern of familiar outcome or completely randomized occurrences. Yes, if you work hard enough you can succeed, but finding your starting point often proves impossible because no one ha a definitive answer. Sometimes I find it hard to feel motivated. Being a college student, I feel stuck in this halfway space between fantasy and reality. In a few short years I will be thrown out on the curb, expected to have a clue about what the hell to do next. I have no idea what I want out of life currently, and I don’t think another two years of classroom curriculum will change that. So what do you do in this case? You make ends meet and hope that inspiration strikes, or maybe move to a new city and try to “find yourself,” or maybe just party away your 20’s and worry about the future later. Regardless, at the end of the day, no one knows where they are going, how they’re going to get there, or what they are going to do once they are there. My point is, there is no road map to life, and that is absolutely terrifying.
I lie awake at night worrying about whether or not I am choosing the right major, what city to move to when I graduate, and what my “realistic” career goals are – to name just a few worries. That uncertainty, I am not afraid to say, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I always told my dad that I wanted to create a life for myself that I didn’t need to take a vacation from and it just seems like in life the only way you can do that is to live one day at a time and hope for the best. That’s why the future is scary, because who knows? Who really knows?
