Picture this.
A boy really likes a girl. Shocking, isn’t it? Well, said boy tells said girl that he likes her in order to have sex with her. They have sex once and then he never talks to her again. Not only do they never talk again, but also he purposely ignores her. He opens her texts and snapchats without a reply. Meanwhile, he is posting on every social media platform imaginable.
The girl pretends she doesn’t care because that is what girls are taught. We are taught that boys just want sex. Once they get what they want, they will leave you. We are taught that we shouldn’t care. We are taught that this kind of behavior is what we should expect and that we can’t let it get to us. Newsflash, girls have feelings and this behavior does get to us, whether we admit it or not.
Worse still, we expect this to happen every time. We have to expect guys to be “douchebags,” we have to know guys are players, we have to learn to “not hate the player, but hate the game.” Why do we need to put up with this? Girls shouldn’t have to put on a brave face just because some boy made us feel special one second and then left without a sound the next. That’s ridiculous.
In addition to being plain mean, guys messing with girls can have seriously negative consequences. When a girl has sex with a guy, her brain releases a chemical called oxytocin. Basically, this is the chemical form of love (obviously, I am not a scientist, but this is my general, vague understanding). Oxytocin binds her to the person with whom she was having physical relations. A guy releases significantly less oxytocin than females during sex but his brain releases ample amounts of dopamine, which is why he wants to have more and more sex. In the end, girls are more likely to get addicted to the person they are sleeping with, while guys are more likely to get addicted to sex.
This is what I don’t understand. Why can a boy not find one girl to settle down with? Why can a boy not find one girl to have sex with and be content? Why do they have to go out and sleep with as many women as possible? I have had guy friends tell me, “we can’t help it. We are made to spread our genomes.” Yet I doubt that is true considering that not too long ago, it was cool to find one girl to love. Commitment was cool. It was the norm.
This notion of going around and making every girl feel wanted just to get what you want is fairly new. Yet it has resulted in an abundance of trust issues for girls. If every guy is going around swearing they are “different,” but then prove to be the same as other jerks, why would a girl ever want to be involved with any guy? We shouldn’t have to be skeptical of a guy who shows interest in us. That’s just sad. We should be able to expect that if a guy actually shows interest, then it must be genuine.
To all of the girls out there who do not mind being used strictly for your body, more power to you! I admire your ability to move on past the guys who just care about being physical. Yet to all of the girls out there who sincerely want a romance, keep on hoping. Don’t settle for the first guy who says that he likes you. Have him take you out and prove his loyalty because any guy who is willing will be up for the challenge. These are the guys who are worth it. If you keep falling for boys who just like to toy with your emotions, though, get upset! It’s okay! They shouldn’t be doing that in the first place. It doesn't make you crazy, it shows you have self-respect. In the words of Jenny Humphrey from season 4, episode 8 of "Gossip Girl," “well if you are [crazy], I’m sure they made you that way.”
