Why my Parents Hate Me

Why Do My Parents Hate Me?

My entire life I've believed that my parents loved me, but I recently came to a shocking revelation revealing that all to be a lie.

notgreg
notgreg
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Wow, so okay, a long time ago when I was a young senior in high school with wide eyes and even a wider heart my only dream was to get into UCLA. I wrote an essay that met all the requirements, got a solid 2.86 GPA, and even ran track for like a whole month, but I knew I was destined for UCLA. When the letters started flying in I found out that UCLA hadn't excepted me or even waitlisted me. Heartbroken, even my brand new Mercedes for college wasn't enough to ease my spirit, but I figured it just wasn't meant to be.

Now, three years later a massive story broke where I found that parents were actually bribing school officials to sneak their kids into school on supposed academic accomplishments and athletic prowess that they didn't possess. These parents even include William H. Macy and some washed up actress from "Full House"! They paid a fake charity, college officials, and even fake students 15,000 to take their ACTs (even though everyone knows Jimmy Collins will do it for like a hundred bucks worth of pot). Now I'm not saying that I for sure would've got in if people hadn't cheated to get my spot, but I guess we'll never know.

This brings me to my main point, why do my parents not love me enough to buy my way into college. Like I'm supposed to earn my way in like some kind of freakin' poor person? What the hell Mom and Dad?!? Always claiming they love me with literally hardly anything to back it up. I've bluntly told them before that they can literally buy my love, but here I am stuck in the desert far away from beaches and palm trees. Yet my brother gets into UCSB on for "good grades" and because he was captain of the school soccer team. They only got second in the state championship and there was like two other captains, so I highly doubt that UCSB would actually give a shit about him. Clearly, they bought him in, but I wasn't worth half a million, whatever.

And don't come to their defense either, they definitely knew about these scams! My cousin Greg got into UCLA on a "croquet scholarship" which was highly dubious from the start. Now I found out that my Aunt was listed on the CIA's list of suspects next to Felicity Huffman. FELICITY HUFFMAN. So my mom totally knew cause we all know Aunt Naomi is hooked on pills and will literally tell anyone everything. She once called to tell me she slept with one of her husband's groomsmaids, which why would I care. Anyway, Greg's basically twitter famous at our old high school right now and that could've been me.

So while I think we all seem a little shaken up, I guess sometimes you just think you know your parents love you when they just kinda don't. Here I was thinking that my parents loved me because I took their word for it like a moron and now I'm left with a broken heart and broken dreams. To everyone else out there who's in the same boat as me, just remember all we have is each other. Even if our parents don't love us enough, it's up to us to love each and ourselves. I'll be setting up a Gofundme shortly to help bribe college officials so I can finish my senior year in California like I was meant to. Please Donate.

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20 One-Liners That You've Exchanged With Your Roommate

"We have to take out the trash today."
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God bless the soul that shares a room with me. Thank you for endless laughter, turning off the lights when I'm already in bed, and loving me so well.

“I can't think of a caption for this. Write it for me."

This happens at least once a week, especially on the night of formal.

“If I bend over wearing these leggings can you see my underwear?"

It's better for your roomie to tell you this one than someone else.

“I'm going on day three without a shower. Does my hair look greasy?"

Even when they say no, they mean that you should really use some dry shampoo.

“You really just need to get over him. You're worth so much more than a stupid boy."

It's the sweetest, most humbling reminder after a night of tears and ice cream.

“We should probably clean tomorrow."

Said, but never done.

“Hide the candles. We have room checks tomorrow."

Sometimes you forget and you get fined.

“I'm going to walk past you and I need you to tell me if I smell bad."

See, you aren't the only one who does that.

“Wake me up in 20 minutes."

A post-class nap on a Monday never hurts until you both fall asleep for three hours.

“Do you think there are any guys in the hall? I need to get my laundry, but I'm not wearing pants."

This one is self-explanatory.

“Your leftovers smelled bad, so I threw them out."

The pungent smell seeping through the refrigerator is inevitable when you leave guacamole from Chipotle in there for two weeks.

“Can you tell me if my thesis makes sense?"

Midnight paper-writing is hard.

“Can we go to the Caf earlier? I'm so hungry already."

We're all walking grandmas in college. Dinner at 5 p.m. is a must.

“Can I wear that tomorrow?"

What's mine is yours.

“What's your cat's name again?"

This is a typical example of a burning question at two in the morning.

“We're already 10 minutes late."

We say this before every chapter meeting.

“Would it be bad if I skipped class tomorrow so I can watch 'Scandal?'"

Please say no, please say no. Just go to class with your computer and watch "Scandal" there.

“Does your throat hurt too?"

Happy flu season!

“How many ibuprofen can you take in a day?"

I don't know. Google it. I took six once and I'm still alive.

“It's only Tuesday."

It's OK. You can cry about it together.

“I love you!"

The best one. Finding a roommate that loves you on days when you don't love yourself is such a blessing. The love that we feel for the people that we live with is so special and so unique.

I'm sorry for all of the times that I've annoyed you, killed one of our plants, or been insensitive because I'm too worried about myself. Thank you for still loving me.

Shout out to all of the roommates out there. You're the bomb.

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5 Reasons Why Staying At College For The Summer Is The Ultimate Power Move

No school, no rules, summer vacation at the best place on Earth, also known as college.

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As summer begins, it brings in the joy of no more school but for most what summer really brings is the sad realization that we have to leave our favorite place and go back to our boring home town with none of our new best friends. Although some have decided to stay at college for the summer and they will soon realize why this will be the best choice that they will be making all summer.

1. NO PARENTS 

What's better than no school, warm weather, and most importantly no one to say, "Are you just going to sleep till 2:30 p.m. every day this summer?"

1. It's like the weekend, but every day

Do you know what weekends felt like during the school year when you didn't have anything to do? No? You never had any free weekends? Wow, I'm so sorry. Well, imagine a weekend that you didn't have to do anything. Now multiply that one weekend by seven and you get seven Saturday like days where you do not have a single care in the world.

3. No "Go cut the grass!"

For the sons, you know that annoying time every week when your dad is going to say, "Go cut the grass." There is nothing you can do to get out of it. Well, staying at school for the summer means no more nagging. You get to choose what you do now.

4. The bond of friendship

The friends you make when you stay at college for the summer are different than any other bond. Mostly because you all don't have a care in the world since it's summer in your favorite place. It's a right of passage to call someone your summer college best friends. These are best friends that words wouldn't do justice.

5. The townies

Everybody always wonders what happens to a college town when all the college kids go home. Well, the townies come back in full swing and take their town back. If you stay at your college, you get to experience what most can't even describe in words. To the one mid-40s guy trying to relive his glory days. To the old men hitting on the college girls at the local pub. To the weird towny creatures that make you shiver with fright as you drive past them. Have fun townies, you only have three months.

That dream of "I wish I could just stay here at college with all these people but have no responsibilities" is finally coming true.

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