“My first marriage will be my only marriage.”
I constantly hear this from people my age. This generation is so convinced that success is measured by a happy marriage by one person whom we live happily ever after with.
Who can blame us, really?
We’ve spent our whole childhood watching two types of relationships: happy relationships, or relationships that miserably and painfully fail.
Our grandparents seemed to have it figured out. They celebrate their 30th, 40th, 50th wedding anniversary… We envy the type of love they have. They fixed their problems instead of giving up and moving on. We don’t look at old people in public holding hands and go “ewwwww, PDA.” We envy that -- they made it. We see the old man buying flowers and chocolate at the grocery store and get giddy for the lady at home he loves. They knew how to make it work.
So how did they produce people like our parents?
It’s no breaking news that the divorce rate has spiked. If you ask a classroom full of teenagers if their parents are still together, few will raise their hands. Even fewer if asked if their parents are happy. We have grown up in a world where we have a toothbrush at dad’s, we have to pack a bag for mom’s, our stepparents are strangers, and we have two Thanksgivings.
Our parents fight over money, over infidelity, over the tone used in a text message. We’ve popped in headphones so we didn’t have to hear the screaming or refused to stay at dad’s house because he tends to bitch about mom’s wine habits. Divorce makes adults act like children sometimes, don’t you think?
We envy the “traditional” families, with mom and dad happily married and functioning as a whole. We aspire to create this for our own future because it’s not common. It’s a goal that’s attainable, respectable, and practically the root of human nature…love, happiness, good vibes: marrying a good person, popping out babies, having a family to nurture and grow with. I get it.
What I don’t understand is the mindset that the only way to achieve this happiness is to get it right the first time. Fall down seven times, get up eight is the mindset I was raised on, and I believe it is no different with love. Sure, I don’t plan on paying for eight weddings, and I hope I don’t have a Kim K moment when I divorce the poor guy in only a matter of weeks, but we can get it wrong, right?
“My first marriage will be my only marriage.”
Sometimes it just doesn’t work. Sometimes you fall out of love. Sometimes you meet someone else. Sometimes you grow apart. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes people hold you back. Sometimes you jump into things too soon.
If there is ever a situation where I’m not happy, my spouse isn’t happy, or my kids aren’t happy, I’ll divorce and hope to try again. I’m hoping for that old people love, and I’m OK if it takes a few times to get it right.
