Choosing a college can be the toughest choice that you’ll make as a teenager; but my first piece of advice to you is don’t settle. Don’t ever ignore your desire to get out of the place you’re in because the truth is: you’re not stuck. Make yourself feel comfortable and happy again, and I swear your life will be filled with so much more joy. This is my story of my freshman year, and what happened when I finally chose not to settle anymore.
In August of 2015, I thought I had my entire life figured out.
I would be enrolled at Minnesota State University Moorhead for the next four years to earn my degree in integrated advertising and public relations. I would become great friends with my new roommate because we knew each other before we were matched to live in the same room, so obviously my living situation would turn out perfectly…right? I was really impressed with the tour of MSUM, which I had gone on the previous year, and I was confident that this school was perfect in every single way. There were pretty white and red flowers everywhere, the buildings weren’t old and run down, and the idea of living in a town so close to Fargo (which to me is a huge city) was the most exciting thought that consumed my mind during my deciding process.
Turns out it wasn’t as perfect as I thought it would be, and unfortunately that became very clear just within the first few weeks.
“Just give it some time; you’ll learn to love it there.”
My parents told me as I called them crying on the phone. I gave everything I had to try feel at home at MSUM, but honestly I just wanted out. The campus was so small it almost drove me crazy; that’s how I learned that small campuses weren’t for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, small campuses can be really great for people, just not me. There was something about that place that didn’t feel right; it didn’t feel like home. I felt like everyone was meeting new friends, and I didn’t connect with anybody there. The campus was full of cliques and people that I just didn’t mesh well with.
“Wow, you go home that often?”
Is basically the same judgmental question that I heard over and over again from everyone I met. They had no idea why I chose to go home on the weekends. Honestly, there was no reason for me to force myself to stay on campus every weekend. My dorm room was uncomfortable, and nothing about the residence hall building made me feel like I belonged there, or that I was in the right place. My room slowly started to feel like it was being taken over by my roommate’s stuff and all of her friends’ stuff. I’m a really quiet and passive person, so of course I couldn’t work up the courage to tell her to get her stuff out of the way. I became completely deprived of sleep because she would stay up until 4 a.m. with her loud friends watching Netflix. As nice as my roommate and all of her friends were, I was not happy there, and I found myself driving home to get away from it all just about every weekend.
People say that I could’ve fixed the problem instantly by talking to my roommate about the thoughts I was having, but there was still a part of me that purposely didn’t say anything. Maybe that’s because somehow I didn’t want it to be fixed. I knew that transferring schools had been an option from the start, and with all of the bad luck I was having at this school I knew that I simply needed to get out of that place.
I didn’t belong there.
At the beginning of October, I applied to the University of North Dakota for the spring 2016 semester. I’m from East Grand Forks, MN so growing up basically next to the UND campus for my entire life gave me a comfortable and relaxed feeling about going to this school.
On my first day of classes, I ate breakfast at a new dining center, walked along a whole new sidewalk, passed all new people on the way, and opened the front doors of new buildings. After the end of my first day, I walked back to my dorm as tiny white snowflakes fell like glitter and caught on to the tips of my eyelashes. I looked around the open quad that afternoon with the biggest smile on my face.
In that moment I knew.
I was home.
