Allow me to share with you the day I decided to choose myself.

When I moved away for college, after high school, I was 1400 miles away from anybody I knew. I was scared but refused to let it get to me. I eventually made a few friends and settled in. One of those friends became like a sister to me, the first friend I made in college and I, hers. Months went by and she was always by my side. She wasn't perfect but neither was I. We were by each other's sides through the tears, the laughs, the heartbreaks, and everything in between.

But, like with every relationship, there is the honeymoon phase and then there is what comes afterwards, reality.

As time went on, I started to notice changes in her.

When I became more comfortable with my surroundings, I made a few more friends, got a job, even a few new love interests. I was starting my life. I was happy.

With the changes, came the jealousy, the fights, the "you never spend time with me anymore", the "you can't talk to him", the lies, the excuses, the silent treatments.

Being with her was a full-time job but I loved her.

I started catching her in lies but, somehow she would make it seem like my fault.

I'd still get on my knees every time and apologise, knowing it wasn't my fault, just to please her.

I found myself taking time away from other people so she didn't feel abandoned because, "Everyone ends up leaving me, anyways".

I found myself saying "because she needs me" or "because I love her", when my friends would ask why her and I were still friends.

And when she was too busy to acknowledge me, she always had an excuse or made me feel clingy.

"I can't always be by your side."

I never blamed her for it. I knew that we were adults and, sometimes, most of the time, adults get busy.

I didn't really see the signs until almost a year later because nobody tells you, toxic relationships aren't exclusively romantic relationships.

but when I did, I noticed that all the times I preached about never allowing myself to be mistreated or abused by a significant other, I would also be wondering if her silence meant she was mad. No, that always means she's mad.

She was always mad, at something I did, or didn't do, something I said or, didn't say.

I was always in the wrong with her.

"I'm sorry."

The day I decided to choose myself was:

Our last fight. She was screaming,

"You left me"

"What happened to, 'you're the only person worth putting up with'?"

"You don't care about me."

I shouted back, not sure how we got to this point.

I loved her, that is why I stayed for so long

But i left because I love myself more.

I choose my hapiness.

I choose to end this, for the both of us.

I choose me.

I hope my story will help spread awareness that friends can be toxic too. Choose to love yourself enough to break free from someone who does not add to your happiness, and/or takes away from it.

I allowed a toxic person into my life because I thought I could help her. I thought i could be the one to build her up. I wanted to show her that not everyone is temporary. In the end, I guess I failed; for that, I am sorry.

"Life is too short to put your life on hold for someone else." - C.H.