We all have that one moment where we are unsure of the right choice. We were all taught what’s right and what’s wrong but we still struggle.
It was my junior year of high school when I first started questioning where I was headed. I had gotten a concussion. I was struggling with my friends. I was unhappy.
It was then that I decided to do something about it.
When I came in for my interview, I was given a copy of my freshman year application to The Hill School. They told me I was accepted as a 3rd former, but I never returned any of the calls. I was very confused, as I, would’ve never applied to a boarding school four years ago. That is when I found out my parents had put in an application for me. Four years later, I’m sitting exactly where I would’ve been, had I chosen to take this route before.
But my chances weren’t very high. I had applied an entire month late and I had applied as a 6th former, which was apparently highly uncommon. Plus, I had a year long concussion that seemed as if it wasn’t ever going to go away.
I swore I had no chance.
But I was determined, as I refused to attend a 5th year of high school. During the interview, I spent two hours talking to the administrators. They told me all of the good things about coming to Hill and failed to mention any kind of downside. So, as an excited girl that thought she would get to go as a senior to one of the most prestigious schools available to her, I fell in love.
The next day, while sitting in class, my mom sent me a text letting me know I was accepted as a senior to Hill. I was so excited. I had achieved something I never thought I could.
Ever since I set foot into the dorms of Hill, I never understood why I was so determined to continue my education here. My entire life changed.
I always thought the idea of boarding would be so much fun. I believed I would have lots of freedom and friends that I could do anything and everything with. I would get to experience the rest of my life with these people.
I began to realize that it wasn’t anything like my past high school. I couldn’t skip a day of school to go out to eat with my friends or wear whatever I wanted to for class. I didn’t have my mom to make me food when I was hungry or the freedom to sleep whenever. It wasn’t awful, it was just a new lifestyle.
It didn’t last long. I had found myself struggling from even more problems at Hill than at my old school: not playing field hockey or staying focused in class. I didn’t have that strong group of friends to go to the grille with or to watch movies with at night.
I began to understand why the admissions office was so adamant for me to repeat my junior year. I looked at everyone as they walked around the campus and see them laughing and smiling with their friends. Something that I would’ve gotten to experience had I repeated my junior year. As for academics, it was definitely something new. My largest class had about 15 students in it, which was a big difference from my 30 student classes that I’ve been in since elementary school. Being in smaller classes means you get called on a lot more. For someone that rarely answers or asks questions in class, this was very hard for me. Giving myself an extra year to adapt to the boarding school lifestyle could’ve offered me the opportunity to excel more academically.
I never got to apply to the colleges that I had always dreamt of going to. I never got that strong group of friends I could rely on.
But what I did get what a stronger personality. A year later, at Ursinus College, a college I swore I would never attend, I learned exactly why Hill might not have been so awful.
I could see all of my classmates around me struggling with the college work load, managing their time, and even challenging themselves when it came to the great loads of freedom the college lifestyle comes with. I was blessed that I did not have to experience my first year of college in that way. I had learned all of those things at Hill. I already had the self-confidence that I needed to manage my time and make better decisions.
We all go through a period in time where we regret something that we did. I know this feeling of regret, the feeling that you think will never escape you, will one day go away.
