A few weeks ago, my mom was telling me a story about herself when she was in high school. She was saying how she didn’t have many serious boyfriends when she was younger because she's what they dubbed her as the “Forever Girl.” I curiously asked her what that meant, and she explained it like this,
“The Forever Girls are the girls that the boys don’t want to be with when they’re young; in high school, they’re just looking to fool around and have a good time. Even in college, they’re the same way. But once they are looking to settle down, they start looking for the Forever Girl: the girl they want to seriously commit to, treat right, and spend the rest of their lives with. For them, that was me.”
Now, this might sound kind of conceited of her to say, but in reality, it’s true. My mom wasn’t the girl to just give it up to anyone that asked for it, and she was always looking for a serious boyfriend, not just someone to have a fleeting fling with. Some might say that makes her a prude, and those people are entitled to their own opinion, but to me, it was inspiring that she was desired by many, but had so few. I asked her how that made her feel.
“Weren’t you upset when you didn’t have a boyfriend? Or when your friends were out on dates and you were home alone?”
She made a weird face.
“Yes, but not exactly. I would be upset that my other girlfriends would be out on dates with a different guy every weekend, but what everyone else had wasn’t what I wanted. I was 16 when I had my first boyfriend, and we ended up dating for most of high school. What I had with him was what I wanted, not a fleeting moment with someone who didn’t mean anything to me. And I’m still the same way today. I still want the same things and looking for the same person; guys have openly told me that I’m still the Forever Girl.”
“Wow, that’s awesome. I wish I could be The Forever Girl.”
“But honey, you are.”
And that’s when it hit me. All the times guys had said they liked me but never did anything about it, or the guys that openly told me that if “you’re single at 27 and I’m single you bet I’m putting a ring on it” (actual quote from my high school yearbook from one of my male classmates), or even the guys that told my friends that they loved me and would marry me if they could: those were the times they recognized me as the “Forever Girl.”
In high school, though, I didn’t see it that way. I saw it as me being unworthy of anyone’s love because I wasn’t good enough for them. In the future, sure, they wanted me, when the future was unclear and not set-in-stone, so far away that it felt like the future may never come. I used to think to myself, “Well, how am I ever supposed to get a boyfriend if none of them want to be with me now, just later on? I can’t marry anyone without dating first!”
I used to get so impatient and upset with myself. “How can I get these guys to like me? Why can’t I have a boyfriend like the other girls? Do I have to go out to parties more? Or wear something more scandalous?” Of course, doing none of those things would get me the attention I really wanted, so I ended up continuing to be myself; I did what I was comfortable with and hoped someone would appreciate me for who I was. Eventually, someone did. And someone else after that. It might have taken me until the beginning of senior year to finally find someone who wanted a real relationship with a real person, but it wasn’t fake or fooling around in the slightest. It wasn’t until then, and now, that I realize being the “Forever Girl” isn’t a bad thing; it’s a blessing in disguise.
At first, it seems like it will take forever (haha) to finally find someone with the same ideas and values as you do, but once you do, it all falls into place, and that’s where I’m at now. Because I waited and didn’t concern myself with silly boys who weren’t looking for anything more than a night alone with me, I am now in a relationship where I am treated right and not seen as an object. I am respected and loved by someone who wants the same things as I do. The relationship is balanced and healthy without having a power struggle; it is everything that a “Forever Girl” should have.
Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to have summer flings or hook up with 20 different guys; what’s okay for me isn’t necessarily okay for everyone, and I recognize that. I’m not belittling, shaming, or putting down anyone that doesn’t care about serious relationships or just wants to hook up; to each her own, because, seriously, who am I to judge? I cannot speak for all. But for those of you who feel or have felt the same way I do, or have experienced something similar, being the “Forever Girl” is a good thing, the best thing even. Just keep holding on for that “Forever Boy” because he’s coming and when he does, it will be everything you have been waiting for.
