Every once in awhile I get these vivid flash-backs to a time when I had no worries and the world was simple. That time was Kindergarten. Six-years-old, picking my nose, and only having to worry about which boy I would sleep next to during nap time. Life was so easy! Now, as a second semester sophomore, I reflect on my life and look at what I miss most about that golden age. For the record, I am currently watching my six year old brother play (try is the better word) basketball with his teammates. The score is 10 – 0 and our team is not winning.
1. Picking your nose in public and not caring who saw.
Every now and then you see a kid doing it and the look of pride on their face when they get something good is priceless, they don’t call it digging for gold for nothing. But if you tried to do that now, you would get many dirty looks and probably be considered a little (a lot) crazy.
2. Having a meltdown wherever and whenever you want.
The motto of kindergarten, “If you feel it, show it. Even if you are a crowded grocery store.” If you didn’t get the toy you wanted during play time, cry and scream. If you wanted peach yogurt but you got vanilla, cry and scream and maybe throw it on the ground. Your mom wouldn’t let you pick out your own clothes, forget it, that’s war; cry, scream and stomp the ground... and maybe even hit your mom if you are feeling really sassy. Now, although you can pick out your own clothes, you quickly regret not wearing a coat when it's cold and think, “My mother was right.”
Also, very important update: my brother just scored a penalty basket and continued to run over to me on the bleachers to tell me all about it... While the game was still happening. But ya know, he’s in kindergarten so he can do whatever the eff he wants.
3. Win every game you ever play.
Woo you just beat grandpa in Checkers! You totally just outsmarted a 70-year-old! Or at least that’s what you think.. Being in kindergarten meant that anytime you played a game you either, a) won because someone let you win, b) cheated your way to winning, “No I didn’t see the card!” or c) you probably lost but fuck it, you’re just gonna say you won anyway. Apparently if you try and cheat in real life you go to jail, and ties don’t really exist. So basically being an adult means losing losing losing but whatever, at least you know how to pronounce “losing” now, instead of “wosing.”
4. Making friends in a second.
In kindergarten there was no such thing as not having designer shoes or split ends. No one cared what you looked like or acted like therefore everyone could be friends. It was so easy to build relationships because hello, blocks were the best toy around! You could just run off and play within a second of meeting and no one gave a flying shit. Now, nouns exist and pretty is a thing. Although sometimes it still feels like kindergarten when you see two drunk girls at a party suddenly become best friends while trying to pee in the same stall like, “OMG you are a communications major?! Me too!” “OMG I love your bra and you are so pretty, let’s be friends” and then they continue to stumble off and be friends until they forget what happened the next morning.
Update: two boys are wrestling for the ball on the court. It has been happening for two minutes.
5: No matter what happens, your mom and dad will still love you.
This is the most important one. Regardless of how many bad moments you have or if you hit your brother too many times, your parents will forget that it ever happened and make you feel better five minutes later. Now, one tattoo too many and whoop there goes college. Although they still will love you, there just might be more consequences, and that is never fun.
Update: game over and they tied 15-15! This was the most exciting soccer game ever! Or basketball, still not really sure. But the kindergarteners had fun and that's what matters.
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