No one is born a hermit wishing for solitude or living by Greta Garbo's credo, "I want to be let alone." And even that was not exactly true. We are in the ever-present graces of social acceptance from society. Adoration in any direction is flattering. In our little social niches, the right things must be said and while showing propriety as to not offend. Is a person really free to be an individual?
That is not to say we are unemotional human beings who know no love from those we care for. However, society’s love or rather acceptance is something we hold on to. It helps us succeed in the professional world and naturally feel better about ourselves. Can we deny conformity? No. It is ingrained within us, and whether we adhere is another matter.
At times, what we do is dependent on how others perceive us. Sometimes, it is for the best because monkey see monkey do goes hand in hand when we see a man needing help. We see a stranger helping a the fellow out as a heartwarming event and, of course, we want to help as well. But it is horrible if it becomes a bystander effect where no one can spare a shred of hope for a child in need? Whatever action we take must come with a cautious mind. If someone tells you to jump off a bridge, of course you wouldn’t. Hindsight is 20/20, but consequences are always peripherally behind.
Most of us are innately good and keep integrity on a pedestal. However, there is still a wanting of attention from our peers as validation. It makes us feel warm and fuzzy, like we are more than we dared to dream. Inside of us there is always looming doubt ready to fight us because a “frenemy” sprouted lies or gossip at work became too personal. When a compliment finds our ears, it creates positivity and a bit of hope that all is well.
Is it truly OK to live with this mindset? Maybe. Maybe not. Does anything ever come out from only living in positivity? Sure, but the lack of criticism is not only negative. Criticism can also be constructive. By seeing no evil, hearing no evil and speaking no evil, we blind ourselves from hidden goodness that is evident and clear if only we were willing to take a step back to see the big picture.
Opportunities meant to expound will close up if we become addicted to the outside mirror. Soon, we would not dare to do anything at all.
We believe in breaking barriers and doing anything, but still worry about others opinions. It is a sad reality that we cannot pursue our dreams because others say it is unconventional or unappealing. Why should our lives be made of missed chances?
Eventually, we hit a point where we realize that caring about what others say does more harm than good. We cater to a new friend’s every whim 'til the point of internal unease begets more unhappiness. The answer is to change the train of thought and our attitude.
If we gauged each step taken in order to avoid invisible lines and tempers, we make life a bit more less worth living. We avoid all risks when beneficial ones could be right before us. Socially demure, our effort and time is reserved to satisfy others who do not always extend the same courtesy.
Being disliked by people is OK because people might be jealous that you are onto something. Embrace the competition and know many great and beloved people have been through the motions of social dislike as Martin Luther King, Jr., Joan of Arc and Abraham Lincoln. These figures died before their time, but their work and lessons invigorate by urging us to strive for coexistence and loving everyone. They stood proudly, even when pitted against harsh words and actions.
In the case of constructive criticism, take it all with caution, and see it for what it truly is.
Maybe there is a quality about you that is not everyone’s cup of tea, like being overbearing. Dig deep and find out why you are like that. We are all human, and that means making mistake after mistake in order to learn. It does not lessen anyone at all. Do not say "yes" if it means being uncomfortable and unhappy. Life is not over because of a "no."
Gaining approval from everyone is like grasping sand. Each grain represents someone's love. Instead of holding on to one grain, we hoard more and more as we fail to recognize the fragility of that love. As we reach out for another grain, we lose the current hold until it disappears completely. We have to hold onto that love and not want a superficial one.
Author Robert Fulghum said it best. "We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love." Fulghum talks about true love there is another message. Our friends love us truly without judgment, and that is the satisfaction in the sea of falsehood.
