Dear Me,
In the past few years of your life, you have hated yourself for your overthinking. I want to take the time to tell you right now that your overthinking is not always a weakness, but it's a sign of your strength. And you need to see that.
I know it's a dreadful feeling. A chill runs down your back. Your mind starts racing. You need to keep moving or your mind will start screaming. You think you'll go deaf from your own thoughts. There's no moment of peace. You think you're going insane.
You analyze the texts. You think back to the conversations. Why didn't she look me in the eye? Why didn't they smile? Should I have said that? Why did I say that? You analyze every little detail to see what it means to you. You relive every mistake over in your mind until you make it right. It never ends and you hate it. But did you ever ask yourself why your brain works this way?
In the first 18 years of your life, you've been through and have done a lot. Probably more than you would like to admit. As a daughter of immigrant parents, you grew up finding your way, often on your own in the world. You needed to figure out life while teaching your parents about it at the same time. While most kids wanted to fit in, you needed to make sure you kept your Vietnamese culture. You've converted religions. You've been betrayed by good friends. You've been fat-shamed...and more. There were times where life felt like it was punching you in the gut, a million times over and you didn't know how to take it. So now, you overthink it.
Why? Well, do you realize how hard you've worked to get to where you are? You're getting awards, scholarships, and you're going to a fantastic college this fall. That's not because you sat back to let things be handed to you on a silver platter all your life. Don't get me wrong. You've been given SO MANY good things in your life, but there was also a lot of bad. Life swung at you when you least expected it. But you're here, aren't you? You overthink because you know what it is like to be fooled, and you want to know that you'll never be caught off guard again. So when life comes to get you, you're making sure you're ready to kick right back.
Another thing... Many people say you overthink because you care what other people think of you. But that's not it. It's actually quite the opposite. You overthink because you over love. All you want is to make the people in your life happy because that's what makes you happy. Life put you in their life for a reason. So, you're giving them all you have. Every little action is a chance for you to do that.
You want to do it all in your life. You overthink everything because if you do something, you're gonna do it right. Your mind needs to keep working. That's what it does even when its not supposed to.
You're strong. But you weren't always this way. Your overthinking is simply a side effect from being caught in the storm for so long. You're in a great place and you're on the way to do great things. No one can stop you now. But you still overthink it so it stays that way. This is how your brain works. It's a part of you and shows how far you've come. You're perfectly okay.
With love,
You, The Overthinker
