There comes a time in all of our lives when the idea of having children pops into our head and you can't help but wonder what it would be like to create a little person of your own. For me, just wrapping my mind around the thought of a real person growing inside me is terrifying enough, so this is where I turn to dogs.
Many people prefer the traditional route of childbearing, but for me dog-bearing (the upbringing of a puppy as if it were your own child) is a much more satisfying option than actually having my own child. Consider the following:
Having your own children requires a minimum of at least 9 completely sober months, with no exceptions. This means no time for beers with friends or late night glasses of wine when you can't sleep, but rather insane cravings that would typically make any normal human being sick just by thinking about it. With dogs, they carry the babies for you and you can enjoy watching your pregnant pooch grow bigger, and enjoy a drink while your doing it. It really is a win-win situation.
Next comes birth, which many people who want their own kids would argue is the very moment that makes those previous excruciating 9 months all worth it. Personally, the idea of my undercarriage being completely destroyed is just utterly terrifying, and for years has been the inspiration behind several of my most horrifying nightmares. Dogs were made to be able to pop out several offspring at once, so being there and holding their paw for support seems like a much better option than being on the other end of the birthing process!
Although I have never actually had a child, I can still say from experience that I would much rather endure the smell of half a dozen puppies breath than the stench of a poopy diaper every couple of hours. Changing a diaper is a lot of responsibility and there are so many opportunities for things to go awfully wrong, for instance diaper rash. If I tighten the waistband too tight, or pull it up too high, BOOM rash. Then I have to deal with the fact that I just caused this helpless little being pain, and there was nothing they could do about it. There isn't much room for failure when cleaning up after puppies, you just scoop it up and throw it in the trash can.
Following the birth of a child comes countless sleepless nights due to an upset, hungry baby with no sense of time. Why spend the next year of your life without any sleep when you could be cuddling with a nest of cozy, warm puppies all night.
Although the pros of puppies versus children outweigh the cons, I do have a weakness in my argument: potty training. This task is much easier to train a young child than a dog mainly because you can actually communicate with the person. With puppies getting them to understand that the big white, fluffy square (pee pad) in the middle of the room is where they should go to the bathroom, and not everywhere around it is much more difficult. They can never quite seem to make it to the pad, but miraculously with kids, if you have candy or toys the odds of them making it to the toilet increases tremendously.
If you're like me and are satisfied without the poopy diapers and spit up, then dogs are the way to go! You can't go wrong with a four legged best-friend, and who knows maybe kids are in your future which is an even better reason to start with a dog. You can make mistakes with an animal and they typically turn out just fine, but I can't say the same goes for babies! Take the friendlier route and get a dog, believe me the next 18 years of your life will be much less complicated and enjoyable.
