If Instagram were to ever create a super hero team, humanity would absolutely head toward doom. Imagine having a group of narcissists, cat-lovers, wealthy travelers, over bearing mothers, and many more, defending the world. Welcome to the world of Instagram and the variety of colorful characters you can meet.
This mom has a screen attached in front of her face at all times and on the other side of the screen stands Timmy, lost and clueless as to why his mother's face looks like a bedazzled iPhone. The momagrammer runs around arranging her child's play space to look perfectly organized. Then she conducts the most lavish birthday parties for her 3-year-old, who quite frankly would rather have a cupcake cake and a few friends to run with around the house. He wears the most stylish clothes by the biggest brand names and all of his photos are directed by mom. Really and truly, all little Timmy wants is to hang out with his mom, play with his toys, and just have some friends over, without photographs.
The Instagram Model
Obviously this one will have mention, because that's basically why Instagram was created. Yes, believe it or not, the creators and users of Instagram put out a product to make revenues from. (You may gasp). But these beautiful women began as a small cult with photos popping up every once in a while, and now Instagram has become littered with these models who pose with some sort of thinning tea, or yummy gummy for hair. I appreciate beauty, no matter the gender, but honestly it's becoming sickening to have this specific prototype of women being shoved down my throat with every scroll.
I'm not even mad at these people, I want to give them a long moment of praise. They have brought a large spectrum of kitties into my life and I'm glad they are working hard every day to put out top notch content. So, whoever you are and wherever you may be, thank you. But I also want you to know, I am a tad jealous because some of these cats lead a better, more luxurious life than I ever will.
Oh, so you have people paying you to go take photos of their beautiful resorts and countries and amenities? This is your life, a constant vacation? I'm so angry with these people because, well, jealousy. How dare they have the luxury to just go out and take stock of the most lavish places in the world, and then on top of it they become rich and without the hassle of being ultra-famous.
This is someone you followed several years ago, and one day on a winter's night in December, they finally post an ambiguous photo of the dark but snowy sky. So naturally, you go to stalk their page because you barely remember who this person is, and it turns out their last post was in July 2016. You wonder why you still follow this person, but you're too lazy to hit the unfollow button and then years later, the cycle repeats itself.
The Over Glamour-grammer
These people have normal lives, 9-5 jobs, a cute and cozy apartment, a nice boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Yet they want their entire lives documented and not just for what it is, no. Their lives must have a big show, a grand reveal every morning of what new spread they will try on their toast. Then a little walk-along of their day, like what insane donuts their co-workers brought and some interesting sticky notes on their desk. The big finale hits the insta-story at around 8 or 9 p.m., and it's a documentation of the movie they will watch in bed with a glass of wine or cup of tea held high in front of their 50-inch television screen. Yes Martha, I know your day had cute little perks, but please, keep these beautiful yet humble moments as they were intended to be, humble. Once you post these moments on Instagram, I can't help but think how awkward it was to try to arrange everything neatly and pause the moment just so the perfect picture sets in place.
There's that one super cute couple that have an ancient love story that somehow keeps getting cuter and cuter. They have photos traveling the world together, like three different proposals posted (yes he proposed three different ways to prove his love), and all their photos seem to be taken by someone. I'm not sure who follows this couple along and keeps taking their photos, but they do a great job. I mean, I have no idea what this couple is like when they're not taking photos, but all I know is I become emotionally invested in them. If I ever see them broken up, I will have questions and my faith in love will be shaken.
The Health Addicts
These people are so healthy that you begin to wonder if they're trying to become immortals. Then you begin to wonder if they have developed some crazy habit due to so much pressure of not being able to eat something fatty and artery-clogging to make up for whatever fun they can't have with food. Plus, in order to keep up a literally perfectly sculpted body, do they have to workout even during their sleep? I don't know, it's just something to think about.
Perhaps you or your friends are a combination of these people, I know at one point or another in my life I have been several of these personalities (not all at once). But I'm fairly sure you follow people like this and with every style, a certain someone popped up in your mind.