When the Going Gets Rough...
I learned a lot about being fully present over the past year at college. My first year at college, and especially my first semester, was particularly hard.
I became exhausted trying to juggle academics and keep up with a myriad of assignments and deadlines. As a commuter, I found it challenging to develop friendships and felt very lonely most of the time. Most of all, I dreaded the atmosphere in some of my classes.
For specific classes, I felt as though my belief system was under attack. Those teachers painted different beliefs as “progress” while many beliefs I held were “outdated” or even deemed immoral. If anyone believes this, they explained, then they cannot actually love and value those around them. I felt silenced, unable to share who I truly was. I believed in that which they condemned, yet I also sought to love those around me as God does. And why, if they taught that each person should be valued as they are, were they unwilling to value me as I was and give me space to be my own person?
That atmosphere was most prevalent in specific classes, but I felt it throughout campus as well. I wondered if I would still be treated with respect if I voiced a differing opinion in conversations. Campus groups promoted opposite values from mine alongside the value of diversity, but the way those values were promoted left me wondering if they wanted me to contribute to diversity or not.
I dreaded the question from well-meaning adult friends: “How are you liking college?” There were bright spots: I enjoyed the material from a few classes and appreciated my handful of new friends. Most of the time, though, I felt crushed beneath the constancy of homework and the difficulty of being myself on campus. I didn’t like to tell others that I wasn’t enjoying college, especially if they were alumni, so I mostly avoided the question or gave a pat answer. (Hint: that is not helpful. Don’t do it.) I'm still learning that it is OK to acknowledge when you're facing challenges.
Coming back for my second year has been rather different. While some of those differences were out of my control, others occurred largely because of how I handled a challenging first year.
I Tried to Invest in People.
Usually, this was as simple as trying to remember a name and asking at least weekly until I got it right. I did not learn every name, but it helped to know a few names and say, “Hello,” to a friendly face. As the semester wore on and I had developed few friendships, it was difficult to continue trying to build relationships. Most of the time, though, I kept at it. The results this year were worth it. Not only do I have a handful of good friends, but I also know names to go with many more friendly faces. Getting to know some of the people on campus made a huge difference when I came back this year, even if we weren’t besties.
I Showed Up.
Over and over. When I wanted to quit, I kept coming. I showed my teachers—and myself—that I was committed to this semester. I wish I had tried out more campus groups during my first year, but I at least visited a few. Showing up wasn’t just key to my academic success; it was key to my character building and my sanity.
There is a time to walk away, but that time is not whenever something gets hard. I had to make the conscious choice to stay and dig in right where I was even when my emotions were screaming for me to leave.
