We were the power couple of our friend group. The ones that everyone would strive to be. We fought more often than not, but our good moments, though few, were some that you would only see in movies. The eight month roller coaster came to a screeching halt sometime in April. You decided it was time to walk away on a Friday, after a day full of petty arguments. I figured it out the following Saturday, when you didn’t come say good night like every night before. The next few days consisted of yelling and tears, both, mostly, being from me, and one failed attempt to make it work. It’s closing in on the five month mark since we’ve been over and I can’t help but think where we would be or what we would be doing if we had made up like every time before.

I would have kissed you goodbye and told you good luck in your scrimmage as I left for the zoo that Saturday morning. I would have been woken up by you telling me you were home safe and sound at 3 a.m. that Sunday after a boys' night in the apartments. We would have spent the next two weeks in my room cramming for your math class and making jokes about my environmental science class. I would have been decorated in blue and yellow to cheer you on during the spring fling games. We would have dreaded the Wednesday that I had to leave, but you would have told me that I was going home to do great things and that we would see each other soon. I would be spending my weekends off in your hometown with your incredible family. Our families would finally be meeting on the weekend of my great grandmother’s 100th birthday. You would calm my anxiety with your ability to always know what to say. I would be your relief from your crazy, stressful schedule. You would be missing me just as much as I miss you.

But… we didn’t make up. The “power” of the power couple that was you and me is no more. I left that morning without a kiss goodbye. I came home to a locked door and woke up to the sunshine and you not being able to even look at me. We spent the next two weeks avoiding each other at all cost. I spent spring fling in a ball of jealousy and had some crazy adventures with my new friends. Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough; when it finally did, you said your final words and kissed my forehead one last time. I spent my weekends off having road trips with my best friend back to Tusculum-- adventures I would not trade. Our families still haven’t met. I'm re-learning how to calm my anxiety on my own, the way I did before you ever existed. A new girl is easing your mind, the way I used to. If you are missing me, I would never know.

I am not really sure when these thoughts will cease to exist; I am sure whenever I find someone to have new adventures with. One thing I learned, the hard way of course, is to not rush. So I’m enjoying my time alone, being thankful for the things that have happened and the new people I am meeting along the way. I have created so many new friendships and old ones have re-connected. I pray for your happiness just like I pray for mine. In case you are wondering, I’m OK. Maybe, one day we might be on our front porch looking back at how crazy we were or we might run into each other and remember the lessons learned. Whatever “maybe” may come, you will always be my favorite “what if.”