When you get the phone call, the one that brings you to your knees, let it happen. Allow your body to take the fall. Cry out in agony at the world for bringing you so much sadness, madness, and confusion all at once. You are human. Our emotions aren't immune to tragedy. So take the fall, be frail until you can't cry/scream no longer, then buckle down.
When we are struck by death, sickness, and tragedies that are merely inexplicable, we aren't expected to bounce back immediately. What we ourselves must do, is want to get back up on our feet. It is far too easy to stay in the emotions that come after the initial call, but once those feelings subside we must buckle down. We must tell ourselves that when we reach these lows, these depths that were once unimaginable, there is support to help you get back up on your feet and continue climbing.
Grief is described as a deep sensation of sorrow, commonly following a death. What many tend to not explain, is that grief is a different process for everyone. One day you are silent, the next day you are screaming at the wind, asking the world how it could be so cruel. One day you are sleeping away reality, the next day you are busying yourself to distract yourself from reality. On a rare occasion you may be able to celebrate the life of those you've lost. However, most people feel guilty when they endure a positive day. Survivor's remorse is godawful.
Why do you feel guilty for having a good day finally? Is it because your loved one wasn't able to experience the joys you did? Is it because you feel obligated to remain sad given the circumstances? Is it because....of no particular reason at all? It all comes down to survivor's remorse. It's hard for older relatives to know they have outlived their rather younger relative. It's hard for an average person to see someone so good pass. It's hard for anyone who had done wrong by the person who passed. It's hard for the parents to know that they didn't get to see all the possible outcomes of their child. It's hard for the significant other of who passed, because they no longer have forever after together. It's hard for everyone. Death is final, and it's human nature to hate what we do not have control over- especially when it comes to a far too sudden end of a beautiful life.
You don't have to go to the grave site. You don't have to go to the hospital bedside. You don't have to watch life take turns you know are coming if you have no control over them. You don't have to do anything that is toxic for your well-being. Some may say that you'll regret not going to here or there, but do what YOU need to do at that time. Again, everyone experiences emotions differently. No one reacts the same.
When tragedy strikes, react. React naturally, not how others tell you to do so. Allow this experience to be as authentic as possible. Indeed, you'll be bombarded with cliche phrases such as "time heals" or "everything happens for a reason". I'm not going to assure you of any belief. Believe what you believe. Especially when the last thing you want to hear are phrases that point out that this nightmare is real life. Comfort is essential. Support is essential. Words help, but can also do damage without the intention to do so. So as a friend or a loved one, don't feel urged to say something. Simply be present. Your presence in someone's life when they are struggling, is more than enough alone.
