We've all been hurt before. We've all been betrayed, treated badly, or had our trust violated. We've all had someone wrong us before, in one way or another. It hurts. It makes us sad, or angry, or irritated. When someone does wrong by you, it's never a pleasant experience.

But what happens when you're the one who messed up and hurt somebody? What happens when you're the pushy friend, the inconsiderate child, the ungrateful spouse or partner? What happens when you're the one who is to blame for a situation gone south?

It's a tricky situation. By nature, we tend to defend our actions, even if they're bad. Humans can be prideful and selfish creatures. We have fragile egos and get upset when anything threatens the image of ourselves that we so carefully try to paint. We love to play the blame game and don't hesitate for a second to point fingers at anybody but ourselves. And even if we do recognize that we were the ones in the wrong, it's embarrassing and can cause a lot of shame, guilt, and anger.

Yes, it feels very icky when you're the one who messed up and ended up hurting someone. The reason why I'm writing this article is because I've been doing a lot of messing up lately. Admitting that publicly to the people reading this is a little embarrassing, but that's okay. Owning up to your mistakes is the first step you need to take when you've done something wrong. Speaking of steps, the purpose of this article is to list a few things that I think are important when you've messed up in a situation. So without further ado, here they are:

1. Take responsibility for your actions

I know. This is often the most difficult part. As I talked about above, admitting that you're the one who caused a problem can be very difficult. If the problem you've created has negative consequences for you, this step can be even harder. It's easy to have a "woe is me" attitude in this case, but it's not going to help anything. The ugly truth is that YOU are the one who messed up. You have free will, and while there are factors that may have contributed to your decisions, they're still YOUR decisions. Until you own up to your mistakes, you won't be able to do better in the future.

2. Apologize

This can also be a very hard step. Some people have a very difficult time apologizing, and some people are extremely difficult to apologize to. Admitting your wrongdoings to yourself is one thing, but humbling yourself enough to admit them to the people you've hurt is another thing. This step doesn't necessarily have to occur, but if you have any interest in being forgiven or reconciling with the person, it's crucial. Be sincere; don't just apologize in order to have a clear conscience. Really acknowledge that you did something wrong, and express your remorse for it.

3. Be Patient

The sad thing about apologies is that people don't have to accept them. You can't force somebody to forgive you, or speak to you, or give you a second chance. You certainly can't force somebody to pretend like nothing ever happened. If you've hurt someone, it might take a while for them to trust you or want to talk to you again. This is something you have to accept. If you try to force the situation, you could make it even worse. The point of apologizing to someone is to express your remorse, not bully them into forgiving you. If the person is able to see the good in you despite your mistakes, then you'll most likely be able to reconcile. If you're truly sorry for what you've done and show them that you won't do it again, there's a good chance that they'll come around. Patience is hard to have, but sometimes it's necessary.

4. Commit to changing

There's no point in acknowledging your mistakes and apologizing for them if you're just going to continue making the same mistakes. Part of showing people that you're sorry is correcting the behavior that hurt them. If you were inconsiderate, make an effort to have more empathy. If you belittled them, show them that you value who they are as a person. If you were too dramatic, dial it back a few levels and work on being calm. If you were selfish, try going out of your way to show them that you care about their wants and needs. I'm over-simplifying things, of course, but you get the gist. At a certain point, you have to stop talking about changing and actually make the changes. Actions speak louder than words.

5. Accept the past

You did something wrong. It's in the past. This fact can be INCREDIBLY frustrating, because if you truly feel remorseful about what you've done, you'll probably want nothing more than to turn back the clock and change what you did. You can't do this, and yeah, it sucks. The next best thing is to do everything you possibly can not to repeat your mistakes in the future. Some people will hold the past against you. Some people may not be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and move on. That's okay. I know it might hurt, but all you can do is do better in the future. If you stay stuck in the past, you're doomed to make the same mistakes.

6. Be forgiving of others

This might seem like a weird step, but hear me out. A lot of things go through your head when you've messed up. A string of expletives, probably a few flashing images of the worst parts of your transgression. You get the drift. One of those thoughts is probably something along the lines of "If they just forgive me, I swear I won't do it again." That's right, we've all had that thought. Unfortunately, that's not always how it works, but when you have that thought, remember how it made you feel. Truly sorry, nervous, and most likely desperate for forgiveness and understanding. When others hurt you, remember how you felt in that moment. It can help you relate to others when they've messed up, and maybe help you give them a second chance, rather than holding onto hurt feelings. You may not get a second chance yourself, but it's important to learn to be forgiving when others are sincerely remorseful. Being forgiving will make you an all-around better person and will help you be more like Christ, who literally sacrificed himself in order for all of our mistakes to be forgiven.

7. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Take it from me; I know how agonizing it is to dwell on your shortcomings for too long. It can be depressing and drive you absolutely insane. This step can be really difficult for me to follow, as I'm sure it also is for some of you. I'm the type of person who lets guilt keep me up at night as I desperately try to figure out a way to fix things. I'm not saying to give yourself a free pass if you screwed up. It's very important to own up to what you've done and acknowledge the ramifications of your actions. But don't be too hard on yourself, because it will ultimately hinder your efforts to change. If you wallow in your mistakes, you won't have any energy to fix them. Dust yourself off and stay committed to being the best you can possibly be.

So, there you go. I'm definitely not an expert on this topic and I understand if you're hesitant on taking advice from someone who admits to messing up on a regular basis. However, I firmly believe that my mistakes have allowed me to learn some really valuable lessons. As a result of what I've learned, I've been able to become a much better person and not let sin overcome me. If you follow these steps, I think you can better yourself as well.

I will leave you all with a few Bible verses. The most important thing to remember through any difficult time is that God will forgive you if you confess your sins and He will always ensure that what's meant to happen, will happen:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." -1 John 1:9

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." -Matthew 6:14-15

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace" -Ephesians 1:7