Having a loved one be diagnosed with cancer is awful. There are no words that can accurately describe how you feel. It is a surge of various emotions into one single feeling. That feeling, it feels as if your life has shattered. A loved one, someone you care for deeply is facing this battle. We live in a country where cancer is common. That sentence should not exist. Each one of us knows someone with cancer or someone who has been affected by cancer. That is absolutely terrifying because cancer is absolutely terrifying.
Cancer is a lot of work, I do not think we discuss that enough. The number of doctors someone will visit after they are diagnosed is immense. My mother was diagnosed in Feburarary, and she has had a least two doctors appointments a week. That may not seem like a lot, but it really is. The person begins to feel weak and may show various symptoms. The doctors they are visiting are cancer doctors typically, so everyone is that waiting room is affected by cancer. You will sit for hours in a waiting room as people file into the doctor's office.
The body begins to feel weak, and it is hard for people to cope. But, because as a society we know that cancer is common. Some people believe they are experts on cancer, because "they know someone". That phrase I have heard at least once a day since my mom was diagnosed. The aspect people often forget is that every cancer is not the same. Every person is not the same. Thus, their body is going to react differently to cancer.
The doctors will tell you the worst case scenario. All. The. Damn. Time. So you will sit in an office while the doctor tells you everything that may go wrong. The percentage of it happening can be as small as 1 percent. But, when you are diagnosed with cancer, you will think that you can be that 1 percent.
Family members react differently as well. At times not for the best, because some people do not realize it is not about them. You may love that person, but you are not the person diagnosed. You have to be a support system for that person, not a burden. That is the thing I have seen most since she was diagnosed.
You have to do your research, but try to avoid the cancer books. You know the books. The ones where they say it is going to be okay and you have to be strong. That is absolute bullshit. You do not have to be strong. You are allowed to feel however you want to feel. Doctors are trained to deal with the various reactions, but they do have a certain level of expectations. The expect the patient to be strong and put on a brave face. But why should they?
Being brave is not in the cancer rulebook. There is not even a cancer rulebook. Everybody is different. If someone has a moment of sadness or doubt, that is okay. People should not examine that or judge them. They are trying to process a million different things every day and it is hard on them. Their world is forever different. They have to think of themselves, their lives, their long ones, and their hopes.
