There's an analogy that I think about a lot, when I'm sad, or when I'm happy. It's something my uncle told me about. As a third grade teacher, he was responsible for helping kids to handle their emotions, and to identify how they are feeling. They talk about themselves, or their hearts, as a bucket. When you are sad, your bucket might be empty. When you're okay, your bucket is half-full (or half empty-if you're that guy). But when you're happy, your bucket is full and overflowing. This is a lovely way to explain it to kids, but also important when it comes to yourself.
As an adult, you understand the meaning of complex feelings; you know jealousy, and loneliness, and you can identify the worst sadness you've ever known. Now, go to that moment, whatever it may be. Maybe you found out someone was cheating on you, and you felt your heart crumble. Maybe your best friend died, and you realized that you're completely without them, something you thought you'd never be.
How did you feel? My guess is empty. You, in that moment, or maybe even right now, feel very empty.
How much can you pour from an empty bucket? Not a damn thing.
So here is my point. When you get to that low point, the point where you can taste the dirt at the bottom of the pit, and the sun is shining 50 feet above your head, who do you need to take care of? Surprise, it's you.
This is not the time to be a people pleaser. It's time to be a you-pleaser.
You need to love yourself, know yourself, and fill your own bucket before you go pouring your bucket into someone else's. I know, it's easier said than done.You might be wanting to find something to fill your void, and end the pain.
But you have to take time to know what you want, and to know what you need as a person, before you can commit yourself to a new adventure. Feel the pain you have, deal with it, and grow from it. Don't go helping people with homework when yours isn't done , don't go Tinder-shopping when you're out to dinner with a boyfriend and don't pour out of an empty bucket. You will end up disappointed and hurt way worse than before.
I'm saying when you're bucket is messy and leaking stuff all over the damn place, and you're covered in bucket-stuff and you feel helpless, pick yourself up, patch up your pail, and fill it back up with the stuff that makes you happy.
So until your bucket is full to the brim, and spilling over with all the best things you have to offer, take some time off for you.
