Why Do I Hate My Reflection?

I Look Into The Mirror And Hate My Reflection, Even Though I Know I Shouldn't

I've always been the "thicker girl," and I'm sick and tired of it.

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Ever since I was a little girl, I was always "thicker" than everyone else. I was always the one with the athletic body. I was the taller girl who always kept up with the boys in my grade. All of my friends were thinner than me.

And all of my friends always pointed out that I was "bigger." I was compared to them, but I was not overweight for my age and height. I have never been "fat" or "obsese," but, in my eyes, I look that way in the mirror.

In cheerleading and dance, I was always the one lifting the girls due to my muscles, and quite frankly, just being too big. My coaches never said I wasn't flying because of my body type, yet I knew. Everyone knew. The bigger girls aren't the ones who get lifted up in the air.

At such a young age, I shouldn't have been so self-conscious.

All my friends wore skin-tight Sugarlips tank tops to school, while I wore my Justice t-shirt. And at that point in my life, there was no thought in my mind that made me want to wear skin-tight clothes. I was just a child, and I enjoyed being a child.

This feeling of not wanting to wear skin-tight clothes continues to this day.

At my high school, we did not have a dress code. You could wear whatever you wanted and get away with it. Everyone wore crop tops and high-waisted shorts. They wore shirts that showed a little too much cleavage.

In opposition, I wore my leggings and dance t-shirt that I lived in 24/7.

Even in college, I try not to wear tight clothes, as I am still not as comfortable with my body as I would like to be. I've never been the one to wear the tightest tops and pants.

And I've been OK with it.

Although I might post pictures in clothes that are revealing, I am so self-conscious and contemplate posting them for days.

I go back and forth with myself: "Do I look attractive?" and "Do they think I'm pretty?" and "There's no way I can pull this off."

In this present day, I am not comfortable in my own skin.

I wake up every morning and look in the mirror, only to be disappointed in myself.

I turn and twist, looking at all my imperfections. I wake up wishing I was smaller, thinner and prettier. I start my day off wishing I was someone different — or better yet, that I looked like someone different.

I am not satisfied with myself. And it's sad to say that. My parents always say how beautiful I am, yet I never believe them.

Everyone has their flaws, and this is mine.

At every family gathering, everyone says, "Wow Sidney, you look great! What have you been doing?"

I appreciate it, yet it's so hard to believe them.

How can others see me in that way? Do they really think that, or are they just saying it?

The truth is, I have been doing nothing. I hardly ever workout — I mean, I chase around my two-year-old nephew around almost every day, but that's about it. I eat whatever I want, which usually consists of pasta and more carbs.

I know I should love myself unconditionally.

But with the workout plan and eating habits that I have, it is my fault that I think of myself in a way that isn't close to perfect.

My flaws are a work in progress, just like everyone else's. And I know that this should not be one of them. I always tell my friends to love themselves no matter what, but I cannot follow this piece of advice for myself.

I'm always the one telling everyone that they're so beautiful, so why can't I tell myself that?

I hope that, in the very near future, I will get to the point where I look in the mirror and love myself.

Whether it takes a few months or a few years, I will get there.

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs.

In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm...

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Eating Disorders Are Not Exclusive To One Body Type

Body image and eating disorders can affect people that are skinny.

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With the start of summer vacation, the issue of eating disorders often flares up. Because more people begin worrying about their size due to fitting into bathing suits or going to public pools during the summer, there is an overall increase in eating disorders. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, there are at least 30 million people in the U.S. of all genders and ages that suffer from an eating disorder, and every 62 minutes, someone dies from the direct result of an eating disorder.

In addition, body image has been known to have a connection with eating disorders. According to Eating Disorder Hope, body image has been shown to be a protective factor, and having a good body image can reduce the vulnerability for someone to develop an eating disorder. There are some people who think that the only people who worry about their body image or who develop eating disorders tend to be people who are overweight. But as they've forgotten, cases with anorexia and other eating disorders are often focused on people who are skinny.

You're probably thinking, how does someone who is skinny have issues with their body image? Especially since the overall media portrayal of the perfect body size is someone who is skinny? However, what most people don't realize is that people who are skinny are constantly worrying about gaining weight or not being fit. Being skinny is often associated with someone who is fit and healthy. Therefore, you constantly have to worry about maintaining these traits.

In addition, just because you may be skinny does not mean that you are fit or healthy. People who have a fast metabolism, like me, for example, are not always fit. With my fast metabolism, I'm always around the same size no matter what I eat. However, when you have a fast metabolism, it doesn't mean you'll have abs or have toned muscles. And when you have a fast metabolism, it's harder to build up muscle since your body metabolizes quickly.

You also find yourself comparing how fit you are with other women who are skinny, such as models and judging how you look based on others. For example, if you go to the beach wearing a bikini that you felt confident about and then you see someone else who is wearing the same one but appears to have a flatter stomach or more toned muscles then you, you suddenly lose whatever confidence you had built about your body image. Because of this, there are many women who are skinny and can develop eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

On top of that, in society, there's an overall fear of being overweight. Even when you're already skinny, this fear can still affect you by making you worry about one day losing the status of being skinny. And if you are thin because you lost weight, the fear of gaining the weight back isn't simply going to go away.

And believe it or not, society's perception of the perfect body image is changing. According to The Self Improvement Blog, in recent years curvy hourglass figures are becoming a more popular body image to have rather than being slender. So instead women who are slender will likely encounter issues with their body image due to trying to match the body image that the media portrays as perfect.

The worst part is that there are a lot of people who believe that problems with body image only center around people who are overweight. Some people tell skinny women to "get over it." This, in turn, causes women to feel that they have no one to confide to about their problems with their body image because the media tells them that they don't have a problem. The women may decide to ignore their problem instead of seeking help, which then causes it to worsen and may go from a lack of confidence in their self-image to an eating disorder.

Most people who are dieting to become skinny think that once they reach a certain size, they no longer will worry about their body image. But as discussed earlier, every woman, regardless of what size they are, faces issues with feeling confident about their body image. And the sooner we come to terms with this as a society, the better we will be able to understand the issues with body image and eating disorders.

Editor's note: The views expressed in this article are not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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