Many people would agree on their own part, 2016 just wasn't my year. 2016 was rough for me in so many ways. I lost a lot of people, some of my best friends and even some family. Some of those people came back to me, by the grace of God, and some didn't.
In 2016, I think I fell lower than I've ever been before and I lost my faith along the way. I built up walls so high that I refused to admit I needed help. I was naive to think I could hide my pain from Jesus too. I didn't want His help, not if it meant I had to follow someone else's rules. I know I can't be the only one who has fallen into the false belief of "I've got this, God, you can leave me alone." We sometimes think of God as if He is a hovering parent (sorry mom, I'm talking about you) who we can shoo away when we've grown past dependency on them. This is where we are wrong, we can never outgrow needing God.
In the midst of the storm, when I needed Him most, when I should have run full-force into His arms, I turned and ran the other direction. Things probably would have turned out a lot better if I had just listened to His voice in the first place. My life flipped upside down because I turned off the volume of God and I turned up the volume of the world. I chose to listen to the world telling me, "it's your life, live it the way you want to."
So, I did just that, I lived my life the way I wanted to, and then I regretted it. Teenagers don't always have the smartest impulses, let's just leave it at that. I stopped looking for God because I didn't believe He could love me after it all, after all the mistakes. Christians who claim they can't see God in their lives, I believe, are like I was, unobservant to His presence.
Now don't get all upset. I have definitely pulled that card, the "I don't see Jesus anymore," card. But, I think the truth is, we don't see Him because we've blindfolded ourselves. Maybe I don't see God in the same way others do. I see God's beauty in the trees, when the leaves change colors during fall, or in the spring when they are bursting with new life. I hear Him in my baby brother's laughter. I see God's caring nature in my mother's cooking, even though she's burned a few perfectly innocent grilled cheese sandwiches. I see God's grace when my little sister calls me to tell me about her day, even with her being hours away.
In truth, whether you see Him or not, He is everywhere. God's beauty surrounds us every day, we just tend to be in such a rush and we are too preoccupied with so many other things in life that we miss the beauty He has created in all things. We are too closed off to see God in something as simple as a yellow leaf on the sidewalk. But nonetheless, He is there. When you can't hear God speaking to you, just open your eyes and look around. He's there in everything around you.
