We have all fallen victim to emotional injuries caused by people we trusted, loved and admired. The damages bruise and scar us in such a way that it can sometimes take months, even years, to heal. It is an awful feeling, and sometimes we are quick to gripe and gossip when we are on the receiving end of the emotional crimes committed, but what about when you are the perpetrator?
I cannot speak for you all, but I have done some mildly reprehensible things in my 22 years. I am not afraid, nor ashamed, to admit that I am not perfect, nor have I always completely fulfilled Webster’s definition of kindness. Now, I am in no way, shape or form a villain, nor have I ever been, but I did not always understand the magnitude of importance in being a forthright, kind and thoughtful person. After growing up, glowing up, doing some soul searching and reading a book called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, I managed to dodge a few potentially devastating situations. However, I am still not perfect and I still make mistakes. I now know how to avoid some of the common not-so-healthy things I used to do when I was the bad guy.
So, what are a few common not-so-healthy things we do when we are the bad guy?
1. We hide.
This is a pretty obvious one. When we are ashamed of something we do, we avoid situations that could potentially lead to the topic being brought up, making us feel worse than we already do. Do not miss out on life because of a mistake you made. Nobody and nothing is worth wasted time. Look yourself in the mirror, give yourself a pep talk, make the situation right and tackle the world.
2. We play the blame game.
"If she would have never did that last month, I would have never done what I did."
😒 DON'T! *Bryson Tiller voice*
Do not make excuses to justify and legitimize the wrong you have done someone in an attempt to avoid feelings of guilt. Don't allow guilt to cloud your mind causing you to -self-victimize and blame others. Forgive yourself and move on.
3. Repeatedly make the same mistake.
You can't exactly call it a lesson learned if you aren't actually applying the lesson learned. Never give people the opportunity to expect for you to slip up. Don't hold yourself to a standard of perfection, but be mindful of your actions.
4. Refusal to forgive yourself.
Sometimes we get caught up in being perfect and forget that it is okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. How can you fully understand the importance of being the good guy unless you have dealt with the sour repercussions of being the bad guy? After all, It’s a learning process and although growth is awesome, it hurts sometimes.
5. Constantly thinking of ways to have a "re-do."
There's nothing wrong with thinking about how we could handle things differently if ever confronted with a similar scenario, but do not pull a less intense Seven Pounds in an attempt to repay the universe for the wrongs you have committed. As beautiful as the idea as that movie was (and obviously it was far more intense than the wrongs, in his case accidental, that we are talking about here), most of us were very conflicted and in some way wished he could have forgiven himself.
Above all, remember that you are not perfect, nor should you ever strive for perfection. We were not designed to operate without flaw and error. Living your life tiptoeing around every situation and everyone you encounter will only drive you nuts. You will make mistakes, and when you do, handle the repercussions with poise, self-love and humility.
