If we met on Tinder, I don't want to meet your mother. If I sneak into your house while she's still sleeping, I don't want to meet your mother. If you have severe commitment issues, I don't want to meet your mother. Clingy? Don't want to meet your mother.

The moral of the story is that dating today sucks. Figuring out what we are or not knowing how to introduce you to my friends sucks. The show, "How I Met Your Mother" covers up almost every kind of "relationship", so here is my spin-off to you about how I don't want to meet your mother.

1. Call me Robin.

Dating in 2018 sucks, and I don't want to play games. The more "levels" of dating there are, the less I want to try. Much like the show, "How I Met Your Mother", I feel the same way Robin does about dating. It doesn't need to be so complicated, and if it is, I'll be the first to run. I'm not saying clingy is great, or even wanted, but I definitely don't want to lie to my friends about where I am all the time.

2. I will not be the Lily to your Marshall.

Just because I don't want to keep you a secret doesn't mean I want to get married and have our families be weirdly close. Being in your 20's means you're at that weird age where some of your friends are getting married, some are partying every night, and some are probably in jail. I like to think I'm a nice mix of the three.

3. Who gets to be Barney?

If you're sleeping around or seeing other people, don't expect me to be at home waiting for you. If you want to play games, you should probably know I don't lose. I don't know why guys have this idea in their head that they can do whatever they want, but when a girl does the same thing, it's wrong. We don't have to define anything or talk about what we are, but that also means you don't get to be concerned with what (or who) I'm doing.

4. No mystery mother here.

Flickr

https://www.flickr.com/photos/117398717@N06/13563189224/in/photolist-mEwTC5-9F7GwE-5WzMHD-nHASxL-dRLcHb-8Fo4Rf-dr7sn6-9ZXCWK-SSR8ie-mxXxRx-7X3mRe-9hQBUs-Sn3Zcu-bBg4Ee-5Xem5T-h11jbe-8yD6Zq-9gXV1X-9ken8U-cMMm3w-ckG8Bb-Huu9a9-nXGViU-nVbikS-c6Y7WS-aoYd97-aVB3W2-bBdpMr-9wbmXk-k6rpzs-GK3jTJ-9QqTSw-g4PTV4-dAeYAu-bMPFKF-8L6Pyh-h3HjPr-JEFd1X-e1RDoD-dUkDEj-7CiNXD-mm3uMt-c6K9iw-dLA2Ek-mHnTsz-ekELpa-9JQsph-61ZkEx-7JwC2F-jKfQnB

Everyone likes a good rom-com, but you won't find that here. This won't be a crazy story to tell our future children, or a funny story we will later laugh about. As long as we're on the same page about the disaster this will turn out to be, I am okay with it. Like I said though, we need to be on the same page. Don't treat me like your girlfriend to ignore my texts and lie about what you're doing later on. Don't invite me to your family events or hangout with your parents. If we're going to act like we barely know each other when we're at the same party with the same friends, don't hit me up before midnight.

5. There is no yellow umbrella.

You'll probably think about me when this is over. You'll wonder where I am or who I'm with, but those are things you no longer get to know the answers to. If you can't be upfront and honest, this doesn't need to be a thing. I'm okay with being your one night stand, as long as you know you're my one night stand too. There will be no double standards or different expectations based on our sex (no pun intended). Just know that if you can't handle the storm, you better bring an umbrella.

As long as we are on the same page of what we're doing, there's no need to have to DTR (define the relationship), but if you switch up on me and act more than what we initially agreed to be, things are going to get rocky. So lets be upfront with each other from the beginning on what we want to happen. Meeting parents kind of sucks, and the less I need to meet the better.