Have you ever felt like there's one thing that affects a whole lot of things? Many people deal with issues that others have but have zero control over them; but somehow, it still feels like you're at fault.
Whether it's a friend, family member, or any loved one, dealing with someone who is an alcoholic or has a drug addiction is something that leaves you feeling completely hopeless. It leaves you wondering whether or not you're the problem, and you end up blaming yourself because you can't put together a reason as to why they just cannot simply stop or why they wouldn't want to stop when they know how much their actions hurt you.
You seek counseling, you get books, you find online groups to try and help you cope with it but there's absolutely nothing that can make dealing with someone's addiction feel any easier.
You spend hours, days, months, and even years wondering when it's going to get better but it just ends up getting worse. There's nothing more confusing and painful than dealing with a problem that you cannot fix. It leaves you feeling all sorts of emotions — almost like an emotional roller coaster. You feel hurt, blame, confused, angry, depressed, worried, and most of all, responsible for that person. Although you know that you can leave, you know that if you do, you will only feel worse about yourself because if you're not there to watch them constantly, you know something can happen to them and you will begin to blame yourself — so you stay.
The worst is trying to explain the struggle to other people because you know that they will never understand, and on top of the roller coaster of emotions that you feel, you're embarrassed to explain why you can't hang out that night or why you're not feeling okay.
People don't understand why I don't like to go out, party, and drink because most people my age want to do that kind of stuff; but if I were to do it, I would only feel like I'd be reflecting what hurts me on a daily basis, and I don't want to be like that.
There are some nights where you just can't sleep because you don't know whether or not they will be okay or not. It's almost like babysitting a grown-up to make sure that they're still breathing; you're always on your toes wondering whether or not the minute you close your eyes, something will happen to them.
I wish that there was something to make it easier, but unfortunately, the only thing that could make things easier is if the problem could be fixed but when a person is in denial and does not want to accept that they have a problem, there's nothing that you can do. You just have to accept the fact that you can't change a person if they don't want to change themselves and try to live your own life to the fullest.
