This was and still is something very difficult for me to even put into words. I can't explain to you all that went through my mind when I found out about what they did to me, but I'm sure you can imagine it wasn't to good. I never wanted to let go of the immense hatred and anger that still rang through my mind day by day. I thought that I deserved to keep feeling this way, that my hatred and anger would make me stronger than them. But, in the end, all that left me with was being a shell of the person I truly was. I ran away from my true morals and beliefs because I was scared and too stubborn to let go of my own frustration. It goes without saying that there are some things that you encounter in your life, whether it be a relationship, a friendship, a grudge or even a family issue that still plays some effect on you. But one day, you need to sit down, look at yourself in the mirror and say its time to let it go.
I could tell a personal story about what happened but for each person it's different. The hatred you could feel from being cheated on by your significant other or being lied to by your best friend is two separate emotional turmoils that people feel differently. No one can truly tell you when or how you have to let it go, but one day you just do. It could be a day where you're sitting outside, playing with your dog or just drinking coffee on the beach and you see how much more there is out there. How much there is still left to experience, all the people left to fall in love with or even all the people you have yet to meet.
Yet people, just like me, held on to the hatred and decided that that was more important than what was going on around me. I let my anger and fear get in the way of so many opportunities that were put before me and that still, to this day, makes me sad to think about. I always wondered when I would move on from it and feel better. I tried to tell myself every day to be happy but it shouldn't be something I have to continuously tell myself; It should just be something I feel. Everybody would tell me, "It's going to be okay" but I never believed them because I wasn't okay.
After countless months of battling myself and the world around me, I sat by the pond at my college campus and fed little ducklings with a person who would become one of the greatest positive influences on my life. When I looked around, I thought that this was perfect and this life is wonderful. I asked myself: why? Why am I letting these people stop me from living my damn life and being happy? It sounds terribly cheesy, but in that moment when I fed the little ducklings and sat in the warm sun, I let it go.
I can't tell you when it will feel better, because that's up for you to decide, just know that one day you'll realize that life goes on and you'll start to lose track of the lingering hatred. People will come into your life that will make you laugh a little harder, smile wider and think happier. You'll realize that these people no longer deserve to have the hold on you like they do and on that day, the day you realize your happiness is more important than any negative person...you'll finally let go.
