If you have children, then you may understand what it's like to feel like you're always on your toes. You must know what it's like to want to pull your hair out everyday, or what it feels like to go ten days with no more than half of the recommended sleep for that period of time. You know what it's like to feel like a chauffeur, a chef, an entertainment committee, a judge and a jury, a stylist, and sometimes, even a kid yourself. If you are a parent, you'd also understand the never-ending, unconditional, most pure and beautiful love you have for your child.
To me, at nineteen, being a parent is very new to me. I was as unprepared as unprepared gets when it came to having a family. My son is only three months-old. I am also a full-time college student, have two jobs, and live with my boyfriend, who is always away from home at work. I picture my life a year ago from today, and think to myself "If i could go back, what would I say to myself now, if I were who I used to be?" The answer to that question usually ranges from "Girl, I feel for you," or "I sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes!"
I have at least two or three emotional melt-downs a week. I find myself asking God, "When is this going to get easier, God? I feel so overwhelmed. I feel that this level of stress and anxiety couldn't possibly be good for someone. Especially someone as young as me!"
It usually goes somewhat like that. So if I ask God at least once a day, every week, "when's it going to get easier?" why haven't I found peace with my hectic life yet?
Tonight, September 18, 2016, he gave me that peace.
I usually have to turn in all of my assignments by Sunday night before 11:59:59 PM, and this week, I had an exceptional amount of work. I am a strictly online student, so that I could eliminate one reason to have to leave my infant baby with a sitter, aside from work. I had two more assignments to submit, as well as a test to complete. Halfway through the test, my nephew, who is a toddler, ran through my laptop cord, unplugging it, and I lost my work. Then, my baby woke up and began to scream for me to feed him. It was 9:30 PM, and my boyfriend still had another hour until he got home from work. After a long week of crying, feeding, changing diapers, looking after my child, all the while keeping up on my school work, and chores, this was one of the moments I'd usually call out to God. "Why, God?! I'm doing my best, here! I work so hard, I feel like I never catch a break."
Just when I began to feel sorry for myself, I heard him speak to me.
Circulating all over the news, social media, and the talk of the town, was the tragic accident of a little boy by the name of Noah. He was small, only 6-years old, and had suffered serious head trauma. He was being treated in a PA hospital , and was in critical condition.
All of my Facebook friends were sharing pictures of him, and sharing their condolences. I was one of those people.
I thought of one particular post that I had seen, and began to feel ashamed for my pleading.
I thought about his mother, and what she must be thinking and feeling, as she sits in the hospital praying to the same God, asking him for peace.
He gave me the realization I was looking for...the thankfulness I needed, as sweetly and gently as I needed him to. I almost felt obligated to apologize for being ungrateful.
I think of how his mother must want nothing more than to go back to earlier in the week, and kiss and hold her little boy, while I looked at everyday the past week as an obstacle, instead of the gift that it was.
God can and will humble your heart in the most precious ways, at the most unexpected times. Reminding you, maybe your life isn't all that overwhelming, and that there really is worse that could happen.
Prayers for Noah...
"Come to me, all those who are weary, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
