These last two weeks have been absolutely challenging. I've already lost a battle at school, but I'm winning all the other ones. I want to stick with God. As tempting as it is to fall off the rails, I know how important it is to stay on the train.

It's easy to want to quit when the going gets tough. The going was tough and it includes things that I can no longer fix. I'm beyond it, even though I still think about it. It stings. I have one more week of classes this semester, plus final exams to do, and I know I can do well with what I have left to do. I have so much room to grow.

I am accepting that mistakes will be made along the way. I'm going to be critical and hard on myself for them, but I know that the next time I do it, I will be better. There's no guarantee I get the chance, but I'll give what I can.

I think too much about what I don't have and where I've messed up. I've been frustrated by my shortcomings, especially in building connections and job interviews. I have learned plenty but I'm trying to put it all together.

I've let certain people out of my life and brought others in, and I have become aware that people will come and go. The people who are in my life now are supposed to help me out of any dumps that I feel that I'm in. They are pursuing God. I'm pursuing it also.

I'm happy here at Bowling Green State University. I had always said that I didn't want to immediately go to further school. But I needed it. The saying goes, you don't like what you need but you like what you want. I'm embracing that I'm at school and I've gone through, and almost completed, my first semester.

I'm working on realizing that I still have a support system. My family. Church. Friends. I sometimes forget that I have them. Some of them will come and go, and they have run their course this semester. I've lost a few but gained more than that. I need to keep on maintaining that, and continue to build connections.

I'm learning to disagree with gracefulness. I'm learning to be nicer. I haven't always treated people well but I'm working on that. I have pride in being gentlemanly. I want to open doors for others and care. It will open doors for me and I want to be open to anything. I am learning to stand up for myself, but I'm working on doing it with less fire. It eats at me when I'm frustrated, and I'm not being nice to others since I'm not wanting to be taken advantage of.

I'm trying to let people in. Then I can start to make it better. Writing is the most expressive form of feelings, the most expressive form of expression. I can write it down so I know what I'm saying, and then speak it.

I apologize that these thoughts are just out of order a bit. I'm writing down what's on my mind. It seems like a long facebook status, since facebook asks you "What's on your mind?" and I answer with every status I post. Right now, I'm feeling thoughtful.