Dear Future Husband,
Hi, my name is Julia, but I like to go by Jules. I know that you don't know me, yet, of course. You don't know where I am, and I certainly have no idea where you reside, or what you're doing. Maybe you're living in another universe, maybe you're just down the street, maybe you're in Europe or Canada, or maybe Washington. You could be in outer space right now, for all I know. But that's kind of the beauty of not knowing, yet it's kind of scary. There is such a void in this, especially with the world being so big. Still, that is what keeps me feeling hopeful that you're out there, somewhere. I'm writing this letter to you because I want you to know a little bit about me before actually meeting me. I know that introductions before actually physically meeting are less exciting and not as spontaneous, but perhaps this will give you a little insight on who I am, and whether or not you can commit to sticking with someone like me.
1. I am passionate.
First thing: I am 100 percent a romantic. And I can be an absolute and utter corn ball about it too, sometimes. I'll make it known that I am in love with someone, when I am. Deep down, I'll want to scream it at the top of my lungs to the whole world, because I am so honored to be your partner in crime. Be ready for a lot of homemade gifts, including mix CDs of our favorite songs and bands, specially written poems for you, small simple gestures reminding you how much I care and love you, kisses and lots and lots of bear hugs.
2. I have a past of having a paper
heart.
I kind of wish that I didn't, but I have a history of being vulnerable. I used to have a very fragile and sensitive heart that couldn't handle an ounce of heartache. Although I I am a lot stronger than I used to be, all of the pain that I have gone through has strengthened my heart and given me resilience. Know that I am going to certainly delve into my romantic past and let you know about my first love and how he broke my heart so many times in a span of five years. I want you to know everything about me, even the dark, achy parts.
I am diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, and I have high anxiety. I don't always let it define who I am, but I want you to know that I will not be perfect either. I'm wired a different way, and even though I am, I have to remind myself that I still am a beautiful person. Even though I have this mental illness, it will not effect our relationship in negative ways. The most important thing is that you treat me just like everyone else. I will need to look at me, and simply tell me that it's going to be okay and not to judge me – even in my worst, most anxiety-filled moments. Help me, do not fix me. Be there for me. I just need you to be patient and understanding with me, because I promise to always be understanding with you, too.
3. I'm a dreamer.
This is a big one. When we are together, I'll probably say a million times that I want to travel the world, to just pack up our bags and leave. Just because we'll be married, doesn't mean that we have to stop living. Let's go places. Let's save up our money and travel. Let's go skinny dipping, let's camp underneath the stars, let's build a fort and talk all night. Let's go for a drive, from time to time, just because. And during conversations about life and whatnot, I'll start babbling away in complete, deep detail. Please don't belittle them or make fun of them, but encourage them and love me for them -- even if some of them sound silly. One of the most important things is to let one another grow, and to support those goals.
4. I am not high maintenance.
I repeat. I am not high maintenance at all. I'm not the girl who wants things done perfectly, or wants to go on a vacation in some five-star resort, or be picked up in a limo, or have the most expensive present on my birthday. You don't need to buy me a bunch of stuff throughout our marriage. We don't always have to do extravagant things. We can spend the day inside, cuddling, watching movies, laying in bed, talking and sharing stories, having jam out sessions. Or just nap together. The number one thing that I will ever want from you, is your love, your support, your honesty and trust, and your humor. Oh, I will need you to make me laugh until I cry.
5. I am trustworthy and honest.
I'm never going to lie to you, because where is strength in that? A good, structured and healthy relationship is an honest one. No matter how embarrassing things may seem, I will tell you everything, I promise. You're my husband, and I know that I will hardly ever be embarrassed or ashamed with you. You will know every inch of me.
6. I promise I'll make you laugh, regardless.
All things on the table: I am a complete and total dork. I may not have the most professional comedic style (whatever the hell that may be), but I promise that I will make you laugh until your stomach hurts, or just simply put a smile on your face. I do a lot of weird, silly things throughout the day and I am very random and klutzy, so hopefully that will make you giggle.
7. I do have my dark times.
Please, be patient with me. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was ten years old, and my obsessive compulsive disorder tends to flare up. In my very first relationship, he had issues staying with me because "he felt like he was my therapist," and couldn't handle me when I was having episodes, or flare ups. More than anything, I don't want to scare you away. But I have to be upfront and say that I am not a perfect human being -- nobody is. I have my flaws and I hope that you can understand them, and still take me as I am.
8. I will 100 percent always be there for you.
Through thick or thin, I will be your best friend and lover. I will be your support, and through every obstacle -- that being difficult or wonderful -- I will be standing right next to you. I know that we will overcome anything, and I really want that to be who we are -- a strong couple who will believe in each other enough to stick around and know that nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible.
9. I'll do really cute things with you.
Truth be told, I want to have my moments where I can act like a total and complete dork with you, or just do childish things with you. We can take a break from adulthood and just have a moment of fun. I want to make dinner with you, I want to bake with you, hell, I'll even play video games with you. I want to go to the park and take pictures and hold hands and not even have to talk -- those kinds of things. I want to read books together, and go to outdoor movie theaters, and inspire one another.
10. I'm a night owl.
I'm so, so sorry if this is going to bother you, but I do not sleep. It has always been this way. Yes, I stay up to the wee hours -- usually tossing and turning, feeling hopelessly restless. You are going to be a saint when dealing with this kind of thing. Because I usually get my random bursts of euphoric inspiration late at night, I'll probably get up and start writing or making art. Or maybe watch Little Miss Sunshine at 1 am. Either way, the night is young -- and so am I!
11. You'll know when I'm really happy.
When I'm happy, I feel alive and I really show it. There's nothing much else to it, and I don't know how else to explain it. You'll just know, because there will be this glow in the room.
12. I like to think about my past a lot.
I'm very sentimental and nostalgic, so sometimes my mind will drift off somewhere and I'll remember something from a certain time and get teary eyed or reminiscent. I know it again, sounds corny, but it's one of my quirks that you will become accustomed to. Don't worry, I assure you that I'll be fine and I'm usually okay. It's just a part of me.
13. I have my introverted moments.
Don't be alarmed, but sometimes I won't feel like going out or anything. I'm a social butterfly, but at the core, this girl will be found watching Netflix and eating Ben and Jerry's from time to time. Or, headed off to the coffee shop to work on some writing, or reading. There are just some times when I need to recharge from the world, or from simply socializing because that's how I am. Just a heads up.
14. I have this weird Michael Cera obsession.
And I don't think it's going to go away. I'm sorry, dear. Please don't mind the obsessive Michael Cera movie marathons that I will have by myself which will include films such as Juno, Crystal Fairy and The Magical Cactus, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and Youth In Revolt. I've loved the man since I was fifteen, but know that this is merely a celebrity crush, and that I love you more and forever. 
15. I have trust issues.
From a girl who has been hurt most of her life, I will have some trouble trusting you. And please, please don't think it's because I think less of you. You're amazing and I absolutely love you for all that you do, but that doesn't automatically shut off the voices in my head, and the memories of those who have hurt me, broken my heart and have abandoned me in my childhood, and during my teenage years and young adult years. I want to be open with you, but it may or may not take a little bit of patience. I'll open up the most when I am ready. You're a darling for being there for me.
16. I have no filter.
Get ready for this one. I will always say what's on my mind, and I probably will on our first date. If you don't mind it, and find most of what I bluntly say hilarious, then you're a keeper. Sometimes, what I say offends people, not that it's rude or anything, but it's either taboo or unexpected, or just plain random or weird.
17. I eat a lot.
I'm always hungry. There's nothing much else to say except I have an appetite of a grown man, and we're going to have to buy a lot of food.
Sincerely,
Your future wife, Jules
