1. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

You take yourself way too seriously. In your drunken stupor, you truly believe you have what it takes to tackle Freddie Mercury’s vocals and deliver a performance that will bring everyone in the bar together into one fluid, unified sing-a-long. You don’t. People boo in the background. You butcher the “Galileo” part. You don’t seem to notice. You’ll sing it again next week.

2. "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton

It’s ladies' night. And you’re definitely not thinking about that guy. No way. He didn’t text you back. And he has read receipts. READ RECEIPTS. He doesn’t matter—whatever. OK, time to pick a song. Do something empowering! A song that says, "Go women! Go independent ladies!" Who needs men? Who needs love? Not you! Oh, Vanessa Carlton? Hm… damnit. You’re totally thinking about him.

3. "All Star" by Smash Mouth

You’re not a good singer. But you are a people-pleaser. And when you’re roughly two pitchers of light beer in, you’ll do karaoke and will choose the greatest crowd-pleasing song of the early 2000s. Twenty-somethings, drunk off their watered-down rum & cokes will sing along to this nostalgic treasure and praise you as Karaoke King of the World. Hey now, who’s an all star? You are. You’re a rock star.

4. "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" by Shania Twain

You’re a bro who’s just lookin’ for some laughs from your other bros. You like Bud Light, the second amendment and pretending to respect women. Though you’d never admit it out loud, you’ve definitely considered buying a #MENINIST t-shirt from a kiosk in the mall before. Which is why you find choosing this hit song by Shania Twain to be the funniest thing EVER. Women. Ha, like you’d ever want to feel like one of those.

5. "Wonderwall" by Oasis

You play acoustic guitar. You can play this song on your acoustic guitar. In fact, this is the only song you know how to play on your acoustic guitar, besides a couple chords from the chorus of Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson. Your vocal ability is lacking, well, actual ability. Luckily, this song requires little to no talent. It’s perfect for you.

6. "Hot in Herre" by Nelly

You’re just a dude hoping some chick is gonna take off her clothes.

7. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper

It’s ladies' night round two. Hell yes, you ladies are hogging the mic tonight. Watch out, DJ! And it’s half-past time for some Cyndi Lauper. Who cares about boys? Not you. Not because he just added a Snap to his story and still hasn’t texted you back. Whatever, girls just wanna have fun. Was he with another girl? Did anyone else see that?

8. "Livin’ on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi

You think you’re a pretty good singer. Not the best, but you can carry a tune. Especially after slamming back a few shots. But the bar is loud, you’re wasted and screaming the lyrics, “WHOA, WE’RE HALFWAY THERE!” Everyone around you is shouting along, “WHOA, LIVING ON A PRAYER,” and it’s just encouraging you to yell louder. You won’t remember this tomorrow.

9. "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond

You’re just another dude. You’re drunk and want to sing, but you know you’re not good enough to sing just any song. Doing a crowd-pleaser is a sure way to get everyone else to drown out your voice with their own. People always love the guy who sings "Sweet Caroline." You really need this ego boost.

10. "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette

Ladies' night is going great. You’re having an awesome time. You’ve had way too many gin and tonics, but at least you haven’t checked your phone in, like, five minutes. Whatever, you’re just going to channel your blood-boiling rage into karaoke. “DJ, give me an angry song,” you slur. Alanis Morissette would love to write a song about the douche that isn’t texting you back. “Someone better put this on their Snapchat story.” Who cares anymore? You don’t.

11. "Don’t Stop Believin’" by Journey

Dude. C’mon. You know who you are. You don’t even know why you picked this song. You just felt obligated. It was almost last call and you couldn’t believe it hadn’t been done yet. Every other song had been sung. You had to. You owed it to the karaoke gods. To Journey. To "Glee." To your ex-girlfriend that used to force you to watch "Glee" every Wednesday night. But she dumped you for that lax bro sophomore year. You really miss her. "Don’t stop believing," you sing into the microphone, sobbing.